Quote of the Day: November 16th, 2005:

"What goes better with pipe than Arizona and buttcrack?"

-Marah

Quote of the Day: November 4th, 2005:

"There are two Mikes upstairs, and Willard's got a single."

-Marah, on why it's unimportant that he who shall remain nameless may or may not want to tap me.

Quote of the Day: October 30th, 2005:

"There's nothing hotter than watching a guy eat a banana."

-Marah

Because Knowing Is Important

http://www.darfurgenocide.org/
http://http://www.savedarfur.org/
http://www.darfurinfo.org/

Take what you will, do what you want. But I hope it makes you think.

Quote of the Day: October 26th, 2005:

"I'm a lefty, buddy!"

-Marah

Quote of the Day: October 25th, 2005:

She'd say amazing things sometimes. "Once you're alive," she'd say, "you can't ever be dead."

-Tim O'Brien

Quote of the Day: October 24th, 2005:

"Could you tell me one thing you remember about me
I thought that someone would notice
Thought somebody would say something
If I was missing."

-Counting Crows

Quote of the Day: October 20th, 2005:

Crazy Shoutout: So, last night as I was working on E-vents, I got two extremely giddy and giggly visitors: Marah and Kira. Marah and Kira came to tell me that they had gone to the Fitness Center to ask about Swing Dancing and hadn't gotten the answers they were looking for. They are apparently huge E-vents fans, and wanted to meet Ron and Dan too. I've gotten "Oh, you're the E-vents guy, right?" before, never such adorably excited fans. They deserve this special shoutout.

...

As I mentioned, last night, I got a visit from Marah and Kira, both excited to bear witness to the entire E-vents experience. At their request, I took them next door to meet Ron. He was playing Gran Turismo at the time. I sad, "Ron, can you hit pause, these ladies are fans of E-vents and would like to meet you." Ron responded, "Oh. Hi. I'm Chicken Tender Ron." He also added, "So you're E-vents fans?" That was all he had to say. So profound. Ohhhhhh Ron.

P.S. Ron told me to add that if any girls ("or guys, I guess," he says) want to stop by and say Hi, they're quite welcome.




-ZackFord.

Yes, we are in E-vents.

Heck yes.

That means we're famous. Like, majorly famous.

Because who doesn't read E-vents?

Quote of the Day: October 18th, 2005:

Wake up, stop dreaming,
Stop prancing about the woods,
It's not beseeming.
What is it about the woods?

-Into The Woods

Quote of the Day: October 15th, 2005:

Just a moment,
One peculiar passing moment...
Must it all be either less or more,
Either plain or grand?
Is it always "or"?
Is it never "and"?
That's what woods are for:
For those moments in the woods...


-Into The Woods

:)

Quote of the Day: October 14th, 2005:

"Is there a line that I could write
That's sad enough to make you cry?"

-The Gin Blossoms


I don't trust other people's feelings. Like, you can tell me that you feel all this and whatever, but if I don't SEE it, I won't believe it. I don't believe "I'm sorry" and I don't believe "I like you a lot."

Quote of the Day: October 13th, 2005:

Kira: we still have to watch movies some time.
Matt: i know
Matt: it has to be a process though
Kira: what sort of process?
Matt: one that allows the maximum film appreciation through progressive steps
Kira: this is sounding intense.
Kira: what sort of steps?
Matt: with me, movies are intense
Matt: well, we have to start with the simple pleasures, then move our way up the filmmaking ladder
Kira: i can tell that this is going to be a big investment of time.
Matt: well, it can be spaced and enjoyed, i promise

(I'm not gonna lie, that sort of turned me on.)

Quote of the Day: October 12th, 2005:

"When you get the energy, you can place a call to me,
My number's in the phonebook and I'm not too hard to find.
I still live in the same old place,
I've still got the same old face,
I can give you more than twenty minutes of my time."

-Fastball

Quote of the Day: October 11th, 2005:

"Without passion, we'd be truly dead."

-Buffy

Probably used this one before.
It fits.
I felt nothing all day today.
Nothing.
Good or bad.
Just didn't feel.
It was the worst.

Quote of the Day: October 10th, 2005:

On the tendency of M&M's to melt certain places:

"Well, it's 76 degrees in your hand, 98.6 degrees in your mouth, and the microwave is... 100 watts."

-Anonymous

(Marah)

Quote of the Day: October 9th, 2005:

who are you,little I

(five or six years old)peering from some high

window;at the gold


of november sunset

(and feeling:that if dayhas to become night

this is a beautiful way)

LARRY: We got English Breakfast, Irish Breakfast, somehting that tastes exactly like what I imagine burned rubber tires would taste like...
PALE: Lapsang Souchong.
LARRY: You want it, you'd be doing us a favor.

-Burn This


That's some weird stuff.

Quote of the Day: October 7th, 2005:

Anakin Skywalker: You turned her against me.
Obi-Wan: You have done that yourself!
Anakin Skywalker: You will not take her from me.
Obi-Wan: Your anger and your lust for power have already done that.

-Episode III


(this quote is in honor of someone really cool.)


*coughmattcough*

Quote of the Day: October 5th, 2005:

Call in three months time and I'll be fine, I know,
Well maybe not that fine, but I'll survive anyhow
I won't recall the names and places of each sad occasion,
But that's no consolation here and now.

-Evita


(so what happens now?)

Quote of the Day: October 4th, 2005:

"Don't tap that shit."

-Crosby

Quote of the Day: October 3rd, 2005:

"I'm talented at breathing
Especially exhaling
So that my chest will rise and fall with yours"

-Dashboard Confessional

Quote of the Day: October 2nd, 2005:

"Ask me what its like to have myself so figured out.
I wish I knew."

-Brand New

Quote of the Day: September 29th, 2005:

"with steam, heat, and rhythm in the back seat of the car,
and adolescent perspective projecting life's forecast to the stars,
you heard love from the lips and you were rapt by the hips
and the promise was eternal but you couldn't see that far..."

-bad religion

Quote of the Day: September 28th, 2005:

"I don’t have to know you, I just wanna hold you tonight..."

-Closure



Sometimes the why doesn't matter.

Quote of the Day: September 27th, 2005:

"Sometimes I wish that we could be so much closer than this, but I won't look up, and you walk away."

-Daphny Loves Derby

Alright, so be it, such is life.

it's easier to move on when you don't feel anything real to begin with.

Quote of the Day: September 26th, 2005:

"Yeah, well, I like Purple Rain, by Himmi Jendrix."

-Anonymous

(Marah.)

Too funny.

You wanna know something that always makes me crack up? The song "A Little Priest" from Sweeney Todd.

It's hilarious. So morbid. But I'm sitting here right now, seriously cracking up. Listen to it. Or at least look up the lyrics.

Quote of the Day: September 25th, 2005:

"I guess that I'm wrong for falling in love,
But you're still the one that I'm dreaming of.
I guess that it's you I want to hold onto,
But you're holding onto someone else."

-Ataris

Quote of the Day: September 24th, 2005:

"Cages or wings?
Which do you prefer?
Ask the birds."

-Tick, Tick...BOOM!


I hate people with pity blogs. I hate when people are so miserable and they won't let anyone in to help them, except for the person who they know will just hurt them again.

Quote of the Day: September 22th, 2005:

To Tracy, who probably won't come across this blog again-

Yes, I am LOVING Ithaca. Cayuga Lake is beautiful, and I'm loving the views, and the GREENESS! Being from Colorado, we don't get that too much. I love the college. Dillingham fountain, the view from Towers Dining Hall, sitting in the grass outside of Eastman, I love it.

If it's wonderful enough to be worth it, it probably will be something you form an emotional attachment to, and if it's not good enough for that, then it probably isn't worth the night you spent on it.

Today's Quote:

"They're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone."
-Billy Joel


Sometimes dinner feels like this. Sometimes some people come who we're not totally great friends with, just so that they'll have SOMEONE to eat with, and on those days, none of us really say anything, it's just this awkward silent dinner, and it makes me sad.

Quote of the Day: September 21th, 2005:

"Some relationships center on a deep emotional tie, or a loyal friendship, or something. But most are just two people passing through life enriching or aggravating each other's lives briefly. Just for one night can't two people who feel an attraction come together and create something wonderful? And then go back to their lives the next day better for it but never over analyzing it or wanting it to be more than it was?"

-Buffy

(I'm watching!!)

Quote of the Day: September 20th, 2005:

"I really wanna call you, but I know that it's not right.
I probably shouldn't tell you, but I dreamed of you last night."

-Ataris


(just me stuck in this rut.)

Quote of the Day: September 19th, 2005:

"I've fallen in love. I didn't think such violent things could happen to ordinary people. "

-Brief Encounter

I need something...

Quote of the Day: September 18th, 2005:

"I've given a lot of thought to the nights we used to have
The days have come and gone
Our lives went by so fast."

-Box Car Racer

Quote of the Day: September 15th, 2005:

"And oh, as you turn to leave,
You try to force a smile, as if to compensate,
Then you break down, and cry..."

-Velvet Goldmine

Quote of the Day: September 14th, 2005:

"Love can only break you heart,

But you're never gonna know unless you give it a start.

Sometimes, you gotta let yourself go."

-Vitamin C

Quote of the Day: September 13th, 2005:

Yes I'm going to turn
And walk away.
You can watch me go
Or you can make me stay.

-Ani DiFranco


Haven't written about why I chose something for a long time. This just got me, I believe the words, I believe them with my stomach, I feel them.

I'm not dumb. There are some things that I don't want to see clearly, don't want to admit, but that doesn't mean I won't. And so now I leave, for now, to go do something better than this or not really do anything, which would still be better than you.

fuck, sorry.

Quote of the Day: September 12th, 2005:

Lorne: I read you while you were singing, you big corn muffin, and uh, can't say as I blame. I mean, what a woman she's become.
Angel: You're not supposed to be reading me. Anyway, you read me wrong.
Lorne: Sorry, strudel. It's not just when you're singing. We got a little term back in Pylea. Kyrumption?
Angel: I know it.
Lorne: Okay. When two great heroes come together...
Angel: There will be no coming together, okay? Everything we've been through together and all anybody wants to talk about is-
Lorne: Can't fight Kyrumption, cinnamon buns. It's fate. It's the stars. Kyrumption is-
Angel: Stop saying that. And stop calling me pastries.

-Angel

(I miss this show.)

Quote of the Day: September 11 th, 2005:

"Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?"

-Rise Against

Quote of the Day: September 10, 2005:

"I'm swelling up like a beetle."

-Anonymous (kira)

(WTF?!)

Quote of the Day: September 9th, 2005:

"I hope this hurts like hell 'cause why should you be fine?"

-Cauterize

Quote of the Day: September 8th, 2005:

"And you can trust me not to think,
And not to sleep around.
If you don't expect too much from me,
You might not be let down,
Cause all I really want is to be with you,
Feeling like I matter too."

-Gin Blossoms

(hey, jealousy.)

Quote of the Day: September 7th, 2005:

"Drowning myself is a game I play."


-Alkaline Trio


(I promise I'm not miserable.)

Quote of the Day: September 5th, 2005:

"Yeah, well, I don’t like being imagined. I like the ocean. That hurricane. I stayed on the pier-- hanging on to this fuckin' pipe railing, wind blowin' so hard you couldn't breathe. Couldn't open my hands the next day. Try to get excited over some fuckin' roller coaster, some loop-the-loop after that. I like those gigantic, citywide fires-- like Passaic, wherever; fuckin' Jersey's burnin' down three times a week. Good riddance. Avalanches! Whole villages wiped out. Somethin' like that can--like-- amaze you. People don't want to hear that shit, they want- like you should get turned on by some crap-- you know, Haagen-Dazs ice cream, "I like everyone to be nice." That shit. Chicks or somethin'. Gettin' laid's okay. A really hot shower's good. Clean underwear, smells like Downy softner."

-Lanford Wilson, Burn This

This is what we did yesterday.

Quote of the Day: September 4th, 2005:

"I learned from the best- a chicken."

-Eva

(Gosh, I love this girl.)

Quote of the Day: September 3rd, 2005:

"We slip and slide on the stay-together landmine,
I make my mind up to never be myself,
And every time I fake around,
I live my life for someone else."

-Wilco


(I'm seeing Shaina today!!!!!!!)

(And I have a cold.)

Quote of the Day: September 2nd, 2005:

"This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper."

-T.S. Eliot

Quote of the Day: September 1st, 2005:

"I don't need your voice to carry me around."

-The Pete Kilpatrick Supergroup

Quote of the Day: August 31st, 2005:

fly the ocean in a silver plane,
See the jungle when it's wet with rain,
Just remember till you're home again
-You belong to me.

-Jason Wade (off the Shrek soundtrack.)

:)

Quote of the Day: August 30th, 2005:

This was just a moment in the woods-

Our moment;

Shimmering and lovely and sad.

Leave the moment, just be glad

For the moment that we had.

Every moment is of moment

When you're in the woods.

-Into The Woods

Quote of the Day: August 29th, 2005:

"It's later than you think and a kiss is a terrible thing to waste."

-Whistle Down The Wind

(so confused)

Quote of the Day: August 28th, 2005:

"There's something I should tell you for we may not have much time

I've never seen scars like yours."

-Alkaline Trio

Quote of the Day: August 27th, 2005:

"She smiled, thinking that she was satisfied to let this be the shape of her world."

-Ayn Rand

:)

A photo.

My roomate and I in the library. See, we're productive good kids. At least that's what this picture is supposed to prove.

PS This photo was taken by the coolest man alive, John Burke.

Quote of the Day: August 26th, 2005:

Emotion,

Devotion,

To causing a commotion,

Creation,

Vacation,

(Mucho masturbation!)

-RENT

Quote of the Day: August 25th, 2005:

"If you work it out, tell me what you find."

-The Futureheads


(things just aren't that clear.)

Quote of the Day: August 24th, 2005:

"He wanted to heat up the truth, to make it burn so hot that you would feel exactly what he felt. For Rat Kiley, I think, facts were formed by sensation, not the other way around."

-Tim O'Brien

The Things They Carried

Quote of the Day: August 23rd, 2005:

"In my mind I tell the time by the moments you let me down."

-The Pete Kilpatrick Supergroup

Awesome.

Quote of the Day: August 22th, 2005:

"There were moments when she felt a sudden, violent longing for him, but it was only impatience, not pain."

-Ayn Rand


I heart Ayn Rand's relationships.

"Tragedy sets you free..."

-The Goo Goo Dolls





(Funny how not uncommon this turns out to be.)

Quote of the Day: August 20th, 2005:

Kiss me too fiercely,
Hold me too tight,
I meed help beliving
You're with me tonight.
My wildest dreams
Could not forsee
Lying beside you,
With you wanting me...

-Wicked

I guess sometimes I just want to make a mistake.


PS- Sorry for the sporadic.

Quote of the Day: August 18th, 2005:

"What do we leave behind when we cross each frontier? Each moment seems split in two; melancholy for what was left behind and the excitement of entering a new land. "

-The Motorcycle Diaries


(Gael Garcia Bernal is way sexy, first off, and secondly, this is timely for me now.)

Orientation started today, I don't meet people easily, it's going to take me a while. I talked to a few kids today, a girl from France, a boy from Chicago, just small brief moments of conversation or shared silence or a walk, oh and another theatre girl from Oregon. (?) Anyway, it's coming, slowly. I hate having to make new friends. I love having them, when it comes naturally. Like with Ali or Roberto.

So much for that. I really did have great plans for this post. But sorry, this is it.

Quote of the Day: August 16th, 2005:

"Why are you so far away?" she said.
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you,
That I'm in love with you"

-The Cure


I was watching Vh1 classic music videos channel yesterday.


PS- I'm in Pittsburgh right now, sitting at the airport. Yay for free wireless internet connections, eh?

Maybe it's just me but I think this blog needed a little rainbow.

Quote of the Day: August 15th, 2005:

"So this is strange,
Our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance
Where nobody leads at all."

-Dashboard Confessional

(I almost only wanted the "so this is strange" part, it fits, today.)

Today is my last day here, for now.

Last #4:

4. Last time I'll hang out and drink tea in Lauren's kitchen with Lauren and Katie and lots of Ben and Jerry's.

Quote of the Day: August 14th, 2005

The whispered conversations
In overcrowded hallways,
The atmosphere
As thrilling here
As always.
Feel the early morning madness,
Feel the magic in the making,
Why, everything's as if we never said
Goodbye.

-Sunset Boulevard

Last #3:

3. Last day of work in the Gunbarrel office.

Last #2:

2. Last night killing time at Target with Katie, Erin, Jacki and Jennie.

Quote of the Day: August 12th, 2005

Samantha: Real emotion transcends language Jerry. You don't have to understand their words to hear their pain.

-The Mexican

(The story behind this is Samantha and Jerry are stuck in Mexico, Jerry lost his passport, and so they're in the hotel room, and Samantha is watching a really melodramatic Mexican soap opera. Jerry has just told her to turn it off, it's not like she understands it anyway.)


If you haven't seen this movie already, stop everything you're doing right now and go rent it. Seriously.

Last #1:

I'll start a collection of lasts. I'll number them, then, starting now. Only the important lasts, of course.


1. Last time I'll ever be emo with Michael Sotkin.

Word of Advice:

I don't know if this affects you who are reading this, quite frankly, I don't even know who does read this. But if you read this, and you value my friendship, don't tell me stories of things you did while you were drunk/stoned/under any sort of chemical influence.

No, I do not want to hear about your vomit. No, I do not want to hear about that girl who jumped on you. No, I don't want to hear ANY of it. So don't mention it, ok?

Now, I know I'm being a bit over the top. Yes, it does bother me more than it should. But thinking back, there are reasons for why it bothers me, and it sucks that I'm still carrying around that baggage, but I am, and maybe I always will. So please just drop it, alright?

It makes me lose a whole lot of respect for you.

And I know some of you probably can't afford to lose any of the respect I have for you (i.e. I don't respect you much to start off with.)

Lasts

I measure my life in lasts.

The last time you'll hug me.
The last time I'll see you make that face.
The last late night eating junk and playing games.
The last word I'll type on this keyboard.
The last German conversation I'll overhear you say.
The last time I'll ever straighten your shirt.
The last time I'll ever watch him do yoga.
The last time I'll ever see them swap clothing.
The last time those leaves will blow in the wind, just like this.
The last time I'll wait here silently in the dark and watch this dance.
The last kiss.

(it never really lasts.)

Quote of the Day: August 11th, 2005:

Angel: Were we in love?
Cordelia: We were.


-Angel Season 4. Episode: Spin The Bottle

I guess lately on that show there's just been some interesting things going on, psychologically. The whole Gunn/Fred thing was amazing, with Fred's professor, when I watched that yesterday I seriously stopped breathing for a little bit. It was amazing.

Quote of the Day: August 10th, 2005:

"I want to hear you
call my name
it's too easy
just to say it soft."

-Ani DiFranco



bleh?

Quote of the Day: August 9th, 2005

"She says she's no good with words, but I'm worse."

-Fall Out Boy

(good song.)

Quote of the Day: August 7th, 2005

"My emotions were bottled up inside, so I uncorked the bottle, and poured it into a glass of music."

-Harry and the Potters





Today was good, I feel, as far as interpersonal relationships and organization go.

Quote of the Day: August 6th, 2005:

Bésame, bésame mucho,
Como si fuera esta noche la última vez.
Besame, besame mucho,
Que tengo miedo perderte,
Perderte otra vez.

Quiero tenerte muy
Cerca, mirarme en tus
Ojos, verte junto a mí,
Piensa que tal vez
Mañana yo ya estaré
Lejos, muy lejos de ti.

Bésame, bésame mucho,
Como si fuera esta noche la última vez.
Bésame mucho,
Que tengo miedo perderte,
Perderte después.

-Consuelo Velazquez

Quote of the Day: August 5th, 2005:

"And it's you and me and all of the people,
And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you."

-Lifehouse


Oh man, tonight I went to the symphony and to a Harry and the Potters concert. Both were amazing.

Quote of the Day: August 4th, 2005:

You tell me it's nothing,
You tell me it's hopeless,

This is something that you did not need now, baby,

And all of your friends say that you can do better,
Still you want to call me every night now, darling,
When we're out in public, you act like a stranger,
Still I hang on every step you take now baby
I tell you you're perfect, you try to ignore me,
It's like we're straight out of fiction writing.

Will you be my girl for at least tonight?
We can stay awake through the sunrise,
We can stay up dreraming, like I did last night,
Just listen, you're smiling,
I hope you always look at me this way.

I'm driving in circles, I'm trying to forget you.
No, it's something that I did not want now, baby.
You tell me you're leaving,
That you don't belong here,
Say that everything is changing around you, darling.
That day you returned and you decided to call me
You love the ocean more than you love breathing and me.
I said you're leaving Chicago, I told you you're crazy,
Said you'll find me down in Carolina.

Chorus, etc...

-The Translation

Going Away To College

Please take me by the hand,
It's so cold out tonight.
I'll put blankets on the bed,
I won't turn out the light,
Just don't forget to think about me and I won't forget you,
"I'll write you once a week," she said.

Why does it feel the same to fall in love and break it off?
And if young love is just a game, then I must have missed the kick-off,
Don't depend on me to ever follow through on anything, but
I'd go through hell for you.

-Blink 182

Going away to college.

Everyone's doing it.

Quote of the Day: August 3rd, 2005

"Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone?"

(Shut up if I've used this already. I probably have.)


Anyway, I miss New York already, I missed it the second I left, I miss the Harrises, I miss it all.

Quote of the Day: July 23rd, 2005

"Never wanted to be anything but everything to you my dear."

-Cauterize


This might be it for a while, based on my level of motivation and free time on my trip.
I hope you don't miss me too much, although if you're in Delhi and you're reading this, you'll probably miss me less than you have been, since you'll be seeing me. I know you've missed me oh-so-much.

Quote of the Day: July 22nd, 2005

"I've been a friend with unbiased views, then secretly lust after you."

-Skunk Anansie

You know, the Cruel Intentions soundtrack really is one of the coolest things in the world.

It's WAY WAY hot out. Painfully hot, disgustingly hot, unbearably hot. Pick your adjective.

I gave in to peer pressure and bought the Wicked soundtrack today.

I'm a snapping turtle.

I passed my online college alcohol education course with an 83% without even listening to anything that they said the whole time. Seriously, it was so pointless. I could have pressed play, walked away, come back every 10 minutes or so and hit 'next' and still passed.

It's been hot out here, I'm so glad that I'm getting out of it soon. I put a bag of popcorn in my car the other day, unpopped microwave popcorn, but so far it's still fully unpopped. So at least it's not that hot.

I could, I'd wager, fry an egg on top of my car. But that's too cliche for me.

I guess today I've just been feeling snappy. Like a turtle, that you should really stay away from or it'll do snappy things and maybe bite you. People should stay away from me for a few days, I think.

I also think people should stop jumping the gun on issues in my life. Seriously, take it easy, let me do what I'm going to do and don't assume what that'll be. For the record, and I need to say this, if only mostly to convince myself, I don't want what they seem to think I want. I really don't. And the only reason I would is because I'm not thinking. Yes, when I think, I don't don't don't want that.

For serious.

No. I don't want.

Yep, just working on convincing myself.

Too hot.

It's fucking hot and I seriously don't feel like doing anything. I rallied enough to go to work, but it turns out my mother forgot to tell me to bring in the laptop, which I had assumed was there, so I had to go home to get it and now that I'm here I don't want to leave again. Seriously, it's so hot it's ridiculous. I felt like I was going to pass out driving home.

I hate days like this- too lazy to do anything and then feeling guilty about not doing anything.

Quote of the Day: July 21st, 2005

"Nothin' in my life ever came with a guarantee."

-Fastball

'Arry Pottah

I forgot to mention, I finished Harry yesterday. Those books make me cry, seriously. Although I found myself less emotionally attached to this one than I was to the last one, and so I didn't cry all that much.

Anyway, I won't do one of those detailed-yet-incredible-vague reviews I've been reading, I'll just say that Harry isn't an 11-year old boy anymore, and I'm digging the way he's progressing, and how the books in general are progressing.

It's what I think and why I think it.

Lately there have been lots of things I've been noticing, thinking I should write down, maybe post in here so that perhaps you'll think I'm intersting or insightful or at the very least perceptive. You know, I read once that a writer must have a magnificently large ego, to write, and to trust that people will think that his ideas are as wonderful as he does.

Say, for instance, today I was walking, and I saw a sculpture of a half a pair of spectacles. Not a full pair, or anything, just a half a pair, resting against a post. Big spectacles- if they were whole they'd probably be about 12 feet high. Say I thought that these spectacles were the most intriguing thing I'd seen, and decided to write about them as such. Now, I'm trusting that you, reading my description of the spectacle statue, would agree with me- otherwise you wouldn't be reading. So I trust that it interests you as much as it did me. And I see it did; you've made it this far.

Or maybe you are thinking, "what sort of a fool makes so much of a silly statue?" Either way, I am leaving myself open to judgement about a variety of things, the content and style of my writing, my perceptiveness, or any number of things. I certainly would not be writing if I knew you would comment and say, "you're an idiot, get a life." Which shows an enormous amount of faith in myself as a human being.

Anyway, that really wasn't where I was intending to go with all that. What I was planning on saying was that eye contact is a win-win situation. Make it with strangers you walk past. If you do, and they avert their eyes always, then you've proved domination. If they look at you first but don't hold contact and look away, you've proved domination. If they hold it and keep it, you've established a connection, a simple bond, which is good.

See? You can't lose.

Quote of the Day: July 19th, 2005

"But I better be quiet now,
I'm tired of wasting my breath
Carrying on and getting upset.
Maybe I got a problem, but that's not what I wanted to say,
I got a long way to go,
I'm getter farther away."

-Elliott Smith


Sometimes it just won't stop.

p.s.- you should read that Oscar Wilde poem I've got down there a bit. Yeah, the really really long one.

Describing something as 'indescribable' is ridiculous.

I know it's long but if it's any consolation, I promise it's worth it.

I

He did not wear his scarlet coat,
For blood and wine are red,
And blood and wine were on his hands
When they found him with the dead,
The poor dead woman whom he loved,
And murdered in her bed.

He walked amongst the Trial Men
In a suit of shabby grey;
A cricket cap was on his head,
And his step seemed light and gay;
But I never saw a man who looked
So wistfully at the day.

I never saw a man who looked
With such a wistful eye
Upon that little tent of blue
Which prisoners call the sky,
And at every drifting cloud that went
With sails of silver by.

I walked, with other souls in pain,
Within another ring,
And was wondering if the man had done
A great or little thing,
When a voice behind me whispered low,
'that fellow's got to swing.'

Dear Christ! the very prison walls
Suddenly seemed to reel,
And the sky above my head became
Like a casque of scorching steel;
And, though I was a soul in pain,
My pain I could not feel.

I only knew what hunted thought
Quickened his step, and why
He looked upon the garish day
With such a wistful eye;
The man had killed the thing he loved,
And so he had to die.

Yet each man kills the thing he loves,
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!

Some kill their love when they are young,
And some when they are old;
Some strangle with the hands of Lust,
Some with the hands of Gold:
The kindest use a knife, because
The dead so soon grow cold.

Some love too little, some too long,
Some sell, and others buy;
Some do the deed with many tears,
And some without a sigh:
For each man kills the thing he loves,
Yet each man does not die.

He does not die a death of shame
On a day of dark disgrace,
Nor have a noose about his neck,
Nor a cloth upon his face,
Nor drop feet foremost through the floor
Into an empty space.


He does not sit with silent men
Who watch him night and day;
Who watch him when he tries to weep,
And when he tries to pray;
Who watch him lest himself should rob
The prison of its prey.

He does not wake at dawn to see
Dread figures throng his room,
The shivering Chaplain robed in white,
The Sheriff stern with gloom,
And the Governor all in shiny black,
With the yellow face of Doom.

He does not rise in piteous haste
To put on convict-clothes,
While some coarse-mouthed Doctor gloats,
and notes
Each new and nerve-twitched pose,
Fingering a watch whose little ticks
Are like horrible hammer-blows.

He does not know that sickening thirst
That sands one's throat, before
The hangman with his gardener's gloves
Slips through the padded door,
And binds one with three leathern thongs,
That the throat may thirst no more.

He does not bend his head to hear
The Burial Office read,
Nor, while the terror of his soul
Tells him he is not dead,
Cross his own coffin, as he moves
Into the hideous shed.

He does not stare upon the air
Through a little roof of glass:
He does not pray with lips of clay
For his agony to pass;
Nor feel upon his shuddering cheek
The kiss of Caiaphas.


II


Six weeks our guardsman walked the yard,
In the suit of shabby grey:
His cricket cap was on his head,
And his step seemed light and gay,
But I never saw a man who looked
So wistfully at the day.

I never saw a man who looked
With such a wistful eye
Upon that little tent of blue
Which prisoners call the sky,
And at every wandering cloud that trailed
Its ravelled fleeces by.

He did not wring his hands, as do
Those witless men who dare
To try to rear the changeling Hope
In the cave of black Despair:
He only looked upon the sun,
And drank the morning air.

He did not wring his hands nor weep,
Nor did he peek or pine,
But he drank the air as though it held
Some healthful anodyne;
With open mouth he drank the sun
As though it had been wine!

And I and all the souls in pain,
Who tramped the other ring,
Forgot if we ourselves had done
A great or little thing,
And watched with gaze of dull amaze
The man who had to swing.

And strange it was to see him pass
With a step so light and gay,
And strange it was to see him look
So wistfully at the day,
And strange it was to think that he
Had such a debt to pay.

For oak and elm have pleasant leaves
That in the springtime shoot:
But grim to see is the gallows-tree,
With its adder-bitten root,
And, green or dry, a man must die
Before it bears its fruit!

The loftiest place is that seat of grace
For which all worldlings try:
But who would stand in hempen band
Upon a scaffold high,
And through a murderer's collar take
His last look at the sky?

It is sweet to dance to violins
When Love and Life are fair:
To dance to flutes, to dance to lutes
Is delicate and rare:
But it is not sweet with nimble feet
To dance upon the air!

So with curious eyes and sick surmise
We watched him day by day,
And wondered if each one of us
Would end the self-same way,
For none can tell to what red Hell
His sightless soul may stray.

At last the dead man walked no more
Amongst the Trial Men,
And I knew that he was standing up
In the black dock's dreadful pen,
And that never would I see his face
In God's sweet world again.

Like two doomed ships that pass in storm
We had crossed each other's way:
But we made no sign, we said no word,
We had no word to say;
For we did not meet in the holy night,
But in the shameful day.

A prison wall was round us both,
Two outcast men we were:
The world had thrust us from its heart,
And God from out His care:
And the iron gin that waits for Sin
Had caught us in its snare.


III


In Debtors' Yard the stones are hard,
And the dripping wall is high,
So it was there he took the air
Beneath the leaden sky,
And by each side a Warder walked,
For fear the man might die.

Or else he sat with those who watched
His anguish night and day;
Who watched him when he rose to weep,
And when he crouched to pray;
Who watched him lest himself should rob
Their scaffold of its prey.

The Governor was strong upon
The Regulations Act:
The Doctor said that Death was but
A scientific fact:
And twice a day the Chaplain called,
And left a little tract.

And twice a day he smoked his pipe,
And drank his quart of beer:
His soul was resolute, and held
No hiding-place for fear;
He often said that he was glad
The hangman's hands were near.

But why he said so strange a thing
No Warder dared to ask:
For he to whom a watcher's doom
Is given as his task,
Must set a lock upon his lips,
And make his face a mask.

Or else he might be moved, and try
To comfort or console:
And what should Human Pity do
Pent up in Murderers' Hole?
What word of grace in such a place
Could help a brother's soul?


With slouch and swing around the ring
We trod the Fools' Parade!
We did not care: we knew we were
The Devil's Own Brigade:
And shaven head and feet of lead
Make a merry masquerade.

We tore the tarry rope to shreds
With blunt and bleeding nails;
We rubbed the doors, and scrubbed the floors,
And cleaned the shining rails:
And, rank by rank, we soaped the plank,
And clattered with the pails.

We sewed the sacks, we broke the stones,
We turned the dusty drill:
We banged the tins, and bawled the hymns,
And sweated on the mill:
But in the heart of every man
Terror was lying still.

So still it lay that every day
Crawled like a weed-clogged wave:
And we forgot the bitter lot
That waits for fool and knave,
Till once, as we tramped in from work,
We passed an open grave.

With yawning mouth the yellow hole
Gaped for a living thing;
The very mud cried out for blood
To the thirsty asphalte ring:
And we knew that ere one dawn grew fair
Some prisoner had to swing.

Right in we went, with soul intent
On Death and Dread and Doom:
The hangman, with his little bag,
Went shuffling through the gloom:
And each man trembled as he crept
Into his numbered tomb.

That night the empty corridors
Were full of forms of Fear,
And up and down the iron town
Stole feet we could not hear,
And through the bars that hide the stars
White faces seemed to peer.

He lay as one who lies and dreams
In a pleasant meadow-land,
The watchers watched him as he slept,
And could not understand
How one could sleep so sweet a sleep
With a hangman close at hand.

But there is no sleep when men must weep
Who never yet have wept:
So we - the fool, the fraud, the knave -
That endless vigil kept,
And through each brain on hands of pain
Another's terror crept.

Alas! it is a fearful thing
To feel another's guilt!
For, right within, the sword of Sin
Pierced to its poisoned hilt,
And as molten lead were the tears we shed
For the blood we had not spilt.

The Warders with their shoes of felt
Crept by each padlocked door,
And peeped and saw, with eyes of awe,
Grey figures on the floor,
And wondered why men knelt to pray
Who never prayed before.

All through the night we knelt and prayed,
Mad mourners of a corse!
The troubled plumes of midnight were
The plumes upon a hearse:
And bitter wine upon a sponge
Was the savour of Remorse.


The grey cock crew, the red cock crew,
But never came the day:
And crooked shapes of Terror crouched,
In the corners where we lay:
And each evil sprite that walks by night
Before us seemed to play.

They glided past, they glided fast,
Like travellers through a mist:
They mocked the moon in a rigadoon
Of delicate turn and twist,
And with formal pace and loathsome grace
The phantoms kept their tryst.

With mop and mow, we saw them go,
Slim shadows hand in hand:
About, about, in ghostly rout
They trod a saraband:
And the damned grotesques made arabesques,
Like the wind upon the sand!

With the pirouettes of marionettes,
They tripped on pointed tread:
But with flutes of Fear they filled the ear,
As their grisly masque they led,
And loud they sang, and long they sang,
For they sang to wake the dead.

'Oho!' they cried, 'The world is wide,
But fettered limbs go lame!
And once, or twice, to throw the dice
Is a gentlemanly game,
But he does not win who plays with Sin
In the secret House of Shame.'

No things of air these antics were,
That frolicked with such glee:
To men whose lives were held in gyves,
And whose feet might not go free,
Ah! wounds of Christ! they were living things,
Most terrible to see.

Around, around, they waltzed and wound;
Some wheeled in smirking pairs;
With the mincing step of a demirep
Some sidled up the stairs:
And with subtle sneer, and fawning leer,
Each helped us at our prayers.

The morning wind began to moan,
But still the night went on:
Through its giant loom the web of gloom
Crept till each thread was spun:
And, as we prayed, we grew afraid
Of the Justice of the Sun.

The moaning wind went wandering round
The weeping prison-wall:
Till like a wheel of turning steel
We felt the minutes crawl:
O moaning wind! what had we done
To have such a seneschal?

At last I saw the shadowed bars,
Like a lattice wrought in lead,
Move right across the whitewashed wall
That faced my three-plank bed,
And I knew that somewhere in the world
God's dreadful dawn was red.

At six o'clock we cleaned our cells,
At seven all was still,
But the sough and swing of a mighty wing
The prison seemed to fill,
For the Lord of Death with icy breath
Had entered in to kill.

He did not pass in purple pomp,
Nor ride a moon-white steed.
Three yards of cord and a sliding board
Are all the gallows' need:
So with rope of shame the Herald came
To do the secret deed.

We were as men who through a fen
Of filthy darkness grope:
We did not dare to breathe a prayer,
Or to give our anguish scope:
Something was dead in each of us,
And what was dead was Hope.

For Man's grim Justice goes its way,
And will not swerve aside:
It slays the weak, it slays the strong,
It has a deadly stride:
With iron heel it slays the strong,
The monstrous parricide!

We waited for the stroke of eight:
Each tongue was thick with thirst:
For the stroke of eight is the stroke of Fate
That makes a man accursed,
And Fate will use a running noose
For the best man and the worst.

We had no other thing to do,
Save to wait for the sign to come:
So, like things of stone in a valley lone,
Quiet we sat and dumb:
But each man's heart beat thick and quick,
Like a madman on a drum!

With sudden shock the prison-clock
Smote on the shivering air,
And from all the gaol rose up a wail
Of impotent despair,
Like the sound that frightened marshes hear
From some leper in his lair.

And as one sees most fearful things
In the crystal of a dream,
We saw the greasy hempen rope
Hooked to the blackened beam,
And heard the prayer the hangman's snare
Strangled into a scream.

And all the woe that moved him so
That he gave that bitter cry,
And the wild regrets, and the bloody sweats,
None knew so well as I:
For he who lives more lives than one
More deaths than one must die.


IV


There is no chapel on the day
On which they hang a man:
The Chaplain's heart is far too sick,
Or his face is far too wan,
Or there is that written in his eyes
Which none should look upon.

So they kept us close till nigh on noon,
And then they rang the bell,
And the Warders with their jingling keys
Opened each listening cell,
And down the iron stair we tramped,
Each from his separate Hell.

Out into God's sweet air we went,
But not in wonted way,
For this man's face was white with fear,
And that man's face was grey,
And I never saw sad men who looked
So wistfully at the day.

I never saw sad men who looked
With such a wistful eye
Upon that little tent of blue
We prisoners called the sky,
And at every careless cloud that passed
In happy freedom by.

But there were those amongst us all
Who walked with downcast head,
And knew that, had each got his due,
They should have died instead:
He had but killed a thing that lived,
Whilst they had killed the dead.

For he who sins a second time
Wakes a dead soul to pain,
And draws it from its spotted shroud,
And makes it bleed again,
And makes it bleed great gouts of blood,
And makes it bleed in vain!

Like ape or clown, in monstrous garb
With crooked arrows starred,
Silently we went round and round
The slippery asphalte yard;
Silently we went round and round,
And no man spoke a word.

Silently we went round and round,
And through each hollow mind
The Memory of dreadful things
Rushed like a dreadful wind,
And Horror stalked before each man,
And Terror crept behind.

The Warders strutted up and down,
And kept their herd of brutes,
Their uniforms were spick and span,
And they wore their Sunday suits,
But we knew the work they had been at,
By the quicklime on their boots.

For where a grave had opened wide,
There was no grave at all:
Only a stretch of mud and sand
By the hideous prison-wall,
And a little heap of burning lime,
That the man should have his pall.

For he has a pall, this wretched man,
Such as few men can claim:
Deep down below a prison-yard,
Naked for greater shame,
He lies, with fetters on each foot,
Wrapt in a sheet of flame!

And all the while the burning lime
Eats flesh and bone away,
It eats the brittle bone by night,
And the soft flesh by day,
It eats the flesh and bone by turns,
But it eats the heart alway.

For three long years they will not sow
Or root or seedling there:
For three long years the unblessed spot
Will sterile be and bare,
And look upon the wondering sky
With unreproachful stare.

They think a murderer's heart would taint
Each simple seed they sow.
It is not true! God's kindly earth
Is kindlier than men know,
And the red rose would but blow more red,
The white rose whiter blow.

Out of his mouth a red, red rose!
Out of his heart a white!
For who can say by what strange way,
Christ brings His will to light,
Since the barren staff the pilgrim bore
Bloomed in the great Pope's sight?

But neither milk-white rose nor red
May bloom in prison-air;
The shard, the pebble, and the flint,
Are what they give us there:
For flowers have been known to heal
A common man's despair.

So never will wine-red rose or white,
Petal by petal, fall
On that stretch of mud and sand that lies
By the hideous prison-wall,
To tell the men who tramp the yard
That God's Son died for all.

Yet though the hideous prison-wall
Still hems him round and round,
And a spirit may not walk by night
That is with fetters bound,
And a spirit may but weep that lies
In such unholy ground,

He is at peace - this wretched man -
At peace, or will be soon:
There is no thing to make him mad,
Nor does Terror walk at noon,
For the lampless Earth in which he lies
Has neither Sun nor Moon.

They hanged him as a beast is hanged:
They did not even toll
A requiem that might have brought
Rest to his startled soul,
But hurriedly they took him out,
And hid him in a hole.

They stripped him of his canvas clothes,
And gave him to the flies:
They mocked the swollen purple throat,
And the stark and staring eyes:
And with laughter loud they heaped the shroud
In which their convict lies.

The Chaplain would not kneel to pray
By his dishonoured grave:
Nor mark it with that blessed Cross
That Christ for sinners gave,
Because the man was one of those
Whom Christ came down to save.

Yet all is well; he has but passed
To Life's appointed bourne:
And alien tears will fill for him
Pity's long-broken urn,
For his mourners will be outcast men,
And outcasts always mourn


V


I know not whether Laws be right,
Or whether Laws be wrong;
All that we know who lie in gaol
Is that the wall is strong;
And that each day is like a year,
A year whose days are long.

But this I know, that every Law
That men have made for Man,
Since first Man took his brother's life,
And the sad world began,
But straws the wheat and saves the chaff
With a most evil fan.

This too I know - and wise it were
If each could know the same -
That every prison that men build
Is built with bricks of shame,
And bound with bars lest Christ should see
How men their brothers maim.

With bars they blur the gracious moon,
And blind the goodly sun:
And they do well to hide their Hell,
For in it things are done
That Son of God nor son of Man
Ever should look upon!

The vilest deeds like poison weeds,
Bloom well in prison-air;
It is only what is good in Man
That wastes and withers there:
Pale Anguish keeps the heavy gate,
And the Warder is Despair.

For they starve the little frightened child
Till it weeps both night and day:
And they scourge the weak, and flog the fool,
And gibe the old and grey,
And some grow mad, and all grow bad,
And none a word may say.

Each narrow cell in which we dwell
Is a foul and dark latrine,
And the fetid breath of living Death
Chokes up each grated screen,
And all, but Lust, is turned to dust
In Humanity's machine.

The brackish water that we drink
Creeps with a loathsome slime,
And the bitter bread they weigh in scales
Is full of chalk and lime,
And Sleep will not lie down, but walks
Wild-eyed, and cries to Time.

But though lean Hunger and green Thirst
Like asp with adder fight,
We have little care of prison fare,
For what chills and kills outright
Is that every stone one lifts by day
Becomes one's heart by night.

With midnight always in one's heart,
And twilight in one's cell,
We turn the crank, or tear the rope,
Each in his separate Hell,
And the silence is more awful far
Than the sound of a brazen bell.

And never a human voice comes near
To speak a gentle word:
And the eye that watches through the door
Is pitiless and hard:
And by all forgot, we rot and rot,
With soul and body marred.

And thus we rust Life's iron chain
Degraded and alone:
And some men curse, and some men weep,
And some men make no moan:
But God's eternal Laws are kind
And break the heart of stone.

And every human heart that breaks,
In prison-cell or yard,
Is as that broken box that gave
Its treasure to the Lord,
And filled the unclean leper's house
With the scent of costliest nard.

Ah! happy they whose hearts can break
And peace of pardon win!
How else may man make straight his plan
And cleanse his soul from Sin?
How else but through a broken heart
May Lord Christ enter in?

And he of the swollen purple throat,
And the stark and staring eyes,
Waits for the holy hands that took
The Thief to Paradise;
And a broken and a contrite heart
The Lord will not despise.

The man in red who reads the Law
Gave him three weeks of life,
Three little weeks in which to heal
His soul of his soul's strife,
And cleanse from every blot of blood
The hand that held the knife.

And with tears of blood he cleansed the hand,
The hand that held the steel:
For only blood can wipe out blood,
And only tears can heal:
And the crimson stain that was of Cain
Became Christ's snow-white seal.


VI


In Reading gaol by Reading town
There is a pit of shame,
And in it lies a wretched man
Eaten by teeth of flame,
In a burning winding-sheet he lies,
And his grave has got no name.

And there, till Christ call forth the dead,
In silence let him lie:
No need to waste the foolish tear,
Or heave the windy sigh:
The man had killed the thing he loved,
And so he had to die.

And all men kill the thing they love,
By all let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!

-Oscar Wilde

One of those ones that just every so often just comes back.

I love this poem.

Quote of the Day: July 18th, 2005

"One of these days in your travels, a guy is going to show you a brand-new deck of cards on which the seal is not yet broken. Then this guy is going to offer to bet you that he can make the jack of spades jump out of this brand-new deck of cards and squirt cider in your ear. But, son, do not accept this bet, because as sure as you stand there, you're going to wind up with an ear full of cider."

-Sky Masterson

Pretty boring- I'm warning you.

So today I bought those shoes. They're way hot, seriously, way.

Too bad I can barely walk in heels. No, these aren't bad. They're only mildly precarious. Not to mention I feel like I look goofy, no matter how much Sydney reassures me that I don't. Basically today's Target trip was "buy things that are girly and make people pretty." I almost took Sydney's advice about... other stuff, but decided I really really really didn't want to, and especially not at Target. That part is really only for me, I guess, since you don't know what I'm talking about, and I'd really rather you never knew.

Anyway, I almost finished my skirt tonight, parts of it are a bit sketch since I can't cut this fabric, but all in all it's basically the coolest thing ever. I'm thinking about creating another one soon. Hey, maybe I can even wear it with my new shoes.

I'm talking about coordinating outfits on my weblog. I used to never even talk about coordinating any clothes anywhere.

My arms are getting strong from yoga. It hurts.

And I have officially watched every single episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The series finale was a bit disappointing, though. Not nearly as good as Season 4's finale, or Season 1's, if I remember it all correctly. Anyway, season 7 was way lamer in general than season 6, and the season where Buffy and Angel had all their drama had some pretty amazing moments. Like, when I'd be sitting downstairs watching in the middle of the night, sobbing. Not just like, catchy throat, sniffle sniffle, but like, "nooooo, ahhhh, *choke sob sob*"

Good times.

HP&HPB

I need to finish that damn book before all those crazy cats who already have finished tell me everything.

Quote of the Day: July 17th, 2005

Another time - another place,

Our temperature would climb,

There'd be a long embrace,

We'd do another dance,

It'd be another play.

Looking for romance?

Come back another day.

-RENT

(Counterpoint to Mimi's 'Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.')

Let it be said that I appreciate Sydney's blatant honesty and making bets on me when we shop at Target. It reminded me of "Sex in the City."

And I'm SO buying those shoes.

PS- I'm up to HP&HPB Ch. 9. Seriously, read it. It's amazing. Draco is so rad.

My itinerary (if you're interested)

Saturday, July 23, 2005
Depart from Denver 11:55 PM.

Sunday, July 24, 2005
Arrive in Newark 5:45 AM.
(Continental Flight 229)

Catch a bus to Port Authority Bus Terminal
Catch New York Trailways bus at 7:00, arrive in Delhi at 11:05 AM.

Tuesday, August, 2, 2005
Catch the 6:25 AM Bus to NYC.
Arrive in NYC at 10:35 AM.
Catch A Bus Back To Newark.

Plane: Depart 5:00 pm
Arrive in Denver 7:23 pm
(Continental Flight 228)

If you're in Boulder, call me before then and we'll hang out. If you're in New York, call me during then, and we'll hang out. If you're neither of those places, you can still call, but we probably won't be able to hang out.

Quote of the Day: July 16th, 2005

"Soon you'll feel much better and we'll laugh and sing and pretend we're dangerous wizards. Or at least I will."

-A greeting card- I think I bought it for Jennie as a birthday card. It seemed fitting, even though it's a get-well card.

I like to be a dangerous wizard.

Quote of the Day: July 15th, 2005

"Are you scared to walk through the hallways?
Are you worried that the spiders run away?
Are you petrified
Of being petrified?
Are we going to have to save the school again?"

-Harry and the Potters

("We play songs about books!")


In honor of the festivities tonight.

Nevermind

Nevermind about the kitten being Caspian. She's now Elliott. Or Eloise, if you prefer. Either way, she'll probably end up just being Elle or Elli.

Quote of the Day: July 14th, 2005

Where do we go from here?
This isn't where we intended to be,
We had it all, you believed in me,
I believed in you.

Certainties disappear,
What do we do for our dream to survive?
How do we keep all our passions alive,
As we used to do?

Deep in my heart I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say.
Scared to confess what I'm feeling,
Frightened you'll slip away.

-Evita, the movie, not the play.

I guess they added it for the movie.

She sings it when she's dying, fading, and she's afraid that since she has nothing to offer, Peron will leave her. The song is called "You Must Love Me" and she realizes that, contrary to what she believed before, sometimes there is someone who "hasn't an eye on, in fact they rely on, tricks they can try on their partner." She realizes that he isn't just looking for her to boost him up, he really does love her.

Legal Issues

If someone parks in the same spot without moving their vehicle for more than 72 hours, that vehicle is considered abandoned. This means that the vehicle is now elligible for towing.

Now, say you lived in a house, and two doors down from your house, they were building a new house. Say they started construction at 7 am. Say it woke you up every day, all the shouting and banging and sawing. Say it was so loud that you couldn't even spend time outside, because the noise was too annoying.

Now let's say that the construction crews parked a huge ass trailer right in front of your house. This trailer makes it impossible to park there, so instead you have to park about a block away around the corner. Say you work, and need to carry a lot of stuff inside every night. You now have to carry your stuff almost a block farther than you used to. Now, that truck's been there for more than 72 hours, so you legally could call and get it towed. Why wouldn't you? These construction guys have been making my life difficult for more than a month now.

You know, it really really aggravates me.

Quote of the Day: July 13th, 2005

"He thought that he had believed it was a simple sequence, the past and the present, and if there was loss in the past one was compensated by pain in the present, and pain gave it a form of immortality- but he had not known that one could destroy like this, kill retroactively, so that to her it had never existed. "

-Ayn Rand

Peter Keating had been going through a rough period, slowly declining, and on the streets one day he ran into Catherine Hasley, the plain girl who he had been in love with some years ago, who he had promised to marry, and never showed up. Instead, he married Dominique Francon, the exquisitely beautiful daughter of his business partner, who had married him only as a form of self-torture. Peter and Dominique got a divorce not long after their marriage, and Peter started his decline right around then. Peter never saw Catherine again, until that night, on the street, when she was in town for a business trip. They went out for tea, and Katie acted like nothing happened. When Peter tries to talk about the past, she says things like, "yes, we were terribly young then, you know young people do such foolish things. Why, Peter, you aren't drinking your tea! You must drink it, you're looking rather peaky."

Anyway, that scene hit a nerve in me.


PS- I know for a fact that a lot more people read this than leave me comments, and it sort of weirds me out when people are like, "oh yeah, I read that in your blog" and I didn't have the faintest clue that they even read my blog. So tell me, if you read it, ok?

Good Morning

The kitten is Caspian. After the sea, not the prince. She's currently doing backflips on my shoulder.

Sheet shopping is more exciting than you'd think it would be. Those mo-fos come in so many varieties, I didn't even believe it. First you have to know what size you need, then you need to pick a fabric type, then hope that they have that fabric type and size in a color that isn't lime green or orange. Turns out they do, so my new sheets are black and dark red (Les Mis Emo) and softer than anything. I *heart* them.


Red, I feel my soul on fire,
Black, my world if she's not there,
Red, the color of desire,
Black, the color of despair!

(You tell 'em, Marius.)

Country Living

The world I know is a world too slow,
Don’t move fast enough; keep your head low,
The world I know is a world much too slow,
If you can’t move fast enough, child, better stay on the low, child,

And I want to live in the passenger seat of a car,
We could drive around all night, we wouldn’t have to go too far,
Just to look at those stars,
This night could be ours…

The world I know is a world too slow,
Don’t move fast enough; keep your head low,
The world I know is a world much too slow,
If you can’t move fast enough, child, better stay on the low, child,

And I want a life lover that’ll go that far,
We don’t have to do this right,
Do you know who you are?
This ride could be ours,
Just to look at those stars…

And we ain’t never going home,
This ride is far too long to travel alone,
The moon will shine brightly on this road,
Which way do you want to go?

The world I know is a world too slow,
Don’t move fast enough; keep your head low,
The world I know is a world much too slow,
If you can’t move fast enough, child, better stay on the low, child…

And I want a life lover that’ll go that far,
We don’t have to do this right,
Yes, I know who you are.
This ride could be ours,
Just to look at those stars…
Just look at those stars,

Baby we could be stars,
Just look at those stars…

-Esthero


This song has been my summer song for... I guess about 5 years now. It's just one that I stumbled upon and it stuck. I don't listen to it often, but I know it well, and I love what it makes me think of. I was looking for the lyrics on the internet, and I actually had a really hard time, so I decided to write them the way I hear them. That's why they're probably not perfect. Oh well.

More thinking:

No matter what, it always comes down to me living for myself. Any external Ideal is just something that I subconsciously manifested into what I needed it to be to... I don't know, AP Psych Brain... Resolve conflict, within myself. I'm kind of getting into this Ideal thing. I'll probably write about it more later.

Sleeping Outside

If you wait until the middle of the night,
The dragonflies as big as your fist
Come out.

Quote of the Day: July 12th, 2005:

He attracts a weird crowd. When I feel awake enough to think about it, I'll analyze what draws us to him, why this way, why always this way, when we thought we were different. It's bizarre, whatever it is.

But right now I'm really tired.

Got ice cream with Lauren tonight, caught up, it's been a few weeks, whew, that's a long time. She's heading out on Thursday, so all we'll have is cellephonic conversation, that is, if we get reception at our destinations. Good catching up, I love it.

And Quote for today, because I already know what I want it to be:

"And I know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic,
But when I say 'let's keep in touch,' I really mean I wish that you'd grow up."

-Brand New (Mix Tape)

I made a mix tape today. Well, put 5 cds in the changer, put a blank tape in, hit record and let it go. I bet it'll be a lame mix tape. It's mostly for at work, my cd player doesn't work, and you know there's only so much Seether/Staind/Modest Mouse/Rise Against/Gorillaz/Offspring/Sublime I can take. And I'm a sucker for acoustic. Take 'Memory' by Sugarcult. I detest the normal version, but the acoustic version is one of my favorite things ever. Same with 'Hands Down' by Dashboard.

Sleeping outside again tonight, it really is lovely, I love the solitude it gives me. (I sleep alone inside all the time, why should I feel more alone outside?)

The Ideal

Time goes by so much faster when everything you do is motivated by one core ideal. When your thoughts are dominated by one presence, one being, and you don't do anything without a thought of how it will affect your Ideal. When you wake up, the rustling tree branches remind me of it, the weight of the blanket on my chest, when I work, I feel like I'm becoming a better person, for no other reason than to be a better person for the Ideal. Every sentence, every sermon in the book I'm reading, any book, it doesn't matter, was written for the Ideal. I hate for people to see me, would hate it more if they knew about the Ideal, as it is, it's alright, my secret protects me from them.

It isn't even real, nothing tangible or percievable. It should be nothing and I tell myself that, which just makes me live for it harder. It's this pseudo-unattainable drive that's been pushing me, and I wonder if it's healthy... To live for an external force, created internally, twisted, mangled, so that the only thing left in reality is a shell and a fabricated memory.

Does that make sense?

Quote of the Day: July 11th, 2005:

And when I say
Fare thee well
My only friend
Oh how the days go

-Beck


(It doesn't make me sad.)

Hot.

The thermometer on my porch says it's 102 degrees out, in the shade.

AP Testing

Has anyone else gotten their AP test results back yet?

I got a 5 in Psych.

I'm actually fairly surprised. I feel like calling Greenman up and telling him.

The Facebook

The Facebook really is a wonderful invention. I've managed to reconnect with several people I've lost touch with over the years. Actually that same thing happened on Myspace. Just so glad, to see people, who've changed, who've left, to know that they're doing alright. To know that they're still alive, in some cases.

Quote of the Day: July 10th, 2005:

"She's pretty as a daisy,
But look out man she's crazy,
She'll really do you in
If you let her get under your skin..."

Poison ivy, poison ivy,
Late at night when you are sleeping,
Poison ivy comes a-creepin' all around, round, round...

-I don't know who sings this originally, but I'm listening to Tony Miller and Matt Madsen sing it on my Vocalicious CD.

And the reason I picked this song is because I'm listening to it.

I'm going to miss Vocalicious. Probably not that much, though.

Quote of the Day: July 9th, 2005:

Steven Hyde: The three TRUE branches of the government are military, corporate and Hollywood.

-That 70's Show



Hyde is pure sex.



, HA, JALEPENO.

Sneeze tissue cough cough sneeze tissue.

Fuck you, hay fever.

Forget Me.

I can't wait to leave. At least then people will have an excuse when they don't call me to invite me to stuff.

Quote of the Day: July 8th, 2005:

"Your resting heart rate is 33 beats per minute. Are you clinically dead, or clinically chill? I think the latter."

-Coke Zero Radio Commercial

Probably the best commercial on the radio. Way better than that dumb Taco Bell Crunch Wrap Supreme one.

Do you hear these too, or are they just in Denver?

Quote of the Day: July 7th, 2005:

So here's a good story. One time, I guess it was a few weeks ago, I was at Dave's house with Lauren, playing some good, non-cheaty Monopoly, listening to some music. When I listen to music, I get frustrated if I don't know songs. I can tolerate them, for maybe a minute or two, but then, unless they're really really good, I have to change them. See, I don't know most of Dave's music. We'd already been through Savage Garden, Spoon, Velvet Underground, and all of the Dashboard Confessional any of us could take. In the garage, Dave has the computer set up on a tv moniter, making it all bigger, but very difficult for me to read. So he says, "oh, here, I bet you know this song," and starts it. It sounds vaguely familiar, but I don't know it. "It's Bowie!" Says Dave. "It's not Ziggy Stardust Bowie, which is the only Bowie I really know." I say. Then the song starts sounding really really familiar, such that I almost know the words, only, not quite. And something about that melody...

"Ashes to ashes, funk to funky,
We know Major Tom's a junkie..."

Ah yes, now I can place it. Samantha Mumba did a song like this, called Body II Body. Of course the lyrics were very different, since she was singing for the preteen crowd, 'junkie' is probably a no-no. So that's why that melody sounded familiar.

I was quite embarrassed that I knew Samantha Mumba's bastardization before I knew Bowie's version.

Good story, eh?

Quote of the Day: July 6th, 2005:

There was something in the air that night,

The stars were bright, Fernando,

They were shining there for you and me,

For liberty, Fernando.

Though I never thought that we could lose.

There's no regret.

If I had to do the same again,

I would, my friend, Fernando...

-ABBA

I *heart* ABBA


Man, they use this song in lots of movies, don't they?

What do you think?

I want your opinions on this.

Quote of the Day: July 5th, 2005

"Fuck you,
I'm fed up with you.
I'm not as good as you?
Fuck no,
I'm better than you."


I need to be screaming this at the top of my lungs in a circle of people.

I miss it.

The Best Thing About Fireworks Is Taking Pictures Of Them.

I have many more fireworks shots here.

Cooking Adventures

If you ever get the chance to cook with alcohol, I recommend it. It's beautiful when it flames, a really wonderful shade of blue.

It's hardcore cooking, right there. X-Treme Cooking.

I made bananas foster tonight, what a wonderful invention.

And I hate bananas!

Of course Emeril would have the X-Treme recipes.

Good ol' Emeril. I love him.

Seriously though, that was my adrenaline rush for the day.

Quote of the Day: July 4th, 2005:

"Sometimes the things you most wish for are not to be touched."

-Into the Woods

I was debating doing something patriotic, there's a good Shakespeare quote about liberty and that stuff today on my quote-a-day calander. In the end, though, this is more true.

Quote of the Day: July 3rd, 2005:

"my heart dances, but not for joy."


-Shakespeare

I know this from a song off of the Road to El Dorado soundtrack, but I was reading A Winter's Tale and discovered that it was Shakespeare who said it first. Silly Elton, stealing Shakespeare's lines.

Tonight I do Winter's Tale, again, but the wind is blowing so hard that it nearly blew me off the highway and there are clouds coming in.

Quote of the Day: July 2nd, 2005:

"We live on front porches and swing life away..."

-Rise Against


Been listening to this song a lot, a side effect of listening to nothing but the modern rock radio station for the past week.

Anyway, it just felt... fitting, for today. Today's been weird, swinging away, I should call someone, or take some aspirin or something, go outside.

I remember what it's like to live on front porches... when I get a house, I say, it will have a porch. My house has no front porch, and it wasn't so bad when I didn't know what I was missing. Last summer I spent so much time on the front porch on Orchard Street, thinking, writing, napping, getting my hair cut, memorizing Drew's lines, you know, good fun.

Quote of the Day: July 1st, 2005:

O! had I but followed the arts!

What is love? 'tis not hereafter;Present mirth hath present laughter;What's to come is still unsure:In delay there lies no plenty;Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty,Youth's a stuff will not endure.

Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?

I was adored once too.

If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction.

Nay, let me alone for swearing. *shucks!*

-William Shakespeare's Twelfth Night

Oh man, it was amazing tonight.

Quote of the Day: June 30th, 2005

"Wildly my mind beats against you, but my soul obeys..."

-Phantom of the Opera

Quote of the Day: June 29th, 2005

Drewsuf865: sorry kira
Drewsuf865: i'll call speilberg about it
Fantasia Amazing: thanks.
Drewsuf865: hes out right now, but i'll leave a message okay?
Fantasia Amazing: ok, thanks
Fantasia Amazing: i appreciate it
Drewsuf865: no prob
Drewsuf865: steve loves answering my calls
Fantasia Amazing: maybe you could get him to have justin give me a call?
Drewsuf865: that was part of the message, duh
Drewsuf865: do you think i'd call steve and not hook you up?

Quote of the Day: June 28th, 2005

"For once there was an unknown land full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes, a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream; a land where all things are perfect, and poisonous..."

-Velvet Goldmine

Quote of the Day: June 27th, 2005

who are you,little i

(five or six years old)
peering from some high

window;at the gold


of november sunset

(and feeling:that if day
has to become night

this is a beautiful way)



-EE Cummings

Oh, you're so cute, in a gnawing desperation kind of way.

Complete Recording

Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation,
Darkness stirs, and wakes imagination,
Silently the senses abandon their defenses...

Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splenour,
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender,
Turn your face away from the garish light of day,
Turn your thoughts away from cold, unfeeling light,
And listen to the music of the night.

Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams,
Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before,
Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar-
And you'll live as you've never lived before.

Softly, deftly, music shall surround you,
Feel it, hear it closing in around you,
Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind,
In this darkness which you know you cannot fight,
The darkness of the music of the night...

Let your mind start a journey to a strange new world,
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before,
Let your soul take you where you long to be-
Only then can you belong to me.

Floating, falling, sweet intoxication,
Touch me, trust me, savor each sensation.
Let the dream begin, let your darker side give in,
To the power of the music that I write-
The power of the music of the night.

You alone can make my song take flight.
Help me make the music of the night...

(Yep, they're definitely way different. I like the other one more.)

Highlights:

Night time sharpens,
Heightens each sensation,
Darkness wakes, and stirs imagination,
Silently the senses abandon their defenses,
Helpless to resist the notes I write,
For I compose the music of the night...

Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendour,
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender,
Hearing is believing,
Music is decieving-
Hard as lightning, soft as candlelight.
Dare you trust the music of the night?

Close your eyes for your eyes will only tell the truth,
And the truth isn't what you want to see.
In the dark, it is easy to pretend
That the truth is what it ought to be.

Softly, deftly, music shall caress you,
Fear it, feel it secretly posess you.
Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind,
In this darkness which you know you cannot fight-
The darkness of the music of the night.

Close your eyes, start a journey to a strange new world,
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew you before.
Close your eyes and let music set you free-
Only then can you belong to me.

Floating, falling, sweet intoxication,
Touch me, trust me, savor each sensation.
Let the dream begin, let your darker side give in
To the power of the music that I write-
The power of the music of the night.

You alone can make my song take flight.
Help me make the music of the night...

-Phantom of the Opera (Music of the Night)

I'm convinced that the Phantom Highlights CD has different lyrics than the full CD, so I'm transcribing them both, to compare.