The Next-Best Thing to Love...

So Fred called me today. It was unexpected, and nice.
I haven't heard his voice since November, I had almost forgotten how much I missed it...



And before that, today didn't really have anything going for it.

Quote of the day: March 31st, 2005

Every living creature on this earth dies alone.


-Donnie Darko


Bleh. Just feeling kind of blank today. No real anything, of any sort. And not in a people kind of mood.

Quote of the day: March 30th, 2005

Haven't laughed this hard in a long time,
I better stop now before I start crying.
Go off to sleep in the sunshine,
I don't want to see the day when it's dying...

-Elliott Smith



(Quite possibly one of the best songs in the world ever.)


Today I was joking with Lauren, just joking around, and it felt really good and really bad at the same time. It was a very unusual sensation, to not feel good about having fun, but having fun in spite of it.

Something of who I am lately is forced. I don't think I'm forcing, I just think that it might be my nature to be forced, to seem like there's just that little something that's just a little bit off.

Maybe it's just a bit of my insecurities, manifesting themselves in the weirdest ways.

The point today when I felt most natural was during seventh period, when I was having a brief conversation with Ian about spring break. It's weird that this of all things should make me feel most natural, since it was probably the most un-commonplace event of my whole day.


Some things I just don't understand.

Quote of the Day: March 29, 2005

"Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard. You can't ever put them back the way they were... I'm sorry, it's just... you know, it takes time. You can't just have coffee and expect--there's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides. You have to learn if-if we're even the same people we were, if you can even fit into eachother's lives. It's a long, important process, and... Can we just skip it? Can you just be kissing me now?"

-Buffy

Season 6, which I so bought yesterday.
This is Tara's getting back with Willow quote. Then they kiss, and it's good.
I hate it how something can be so awesome and then just something changes, and sometimes it changes irreversibly. I really hope not.

Quote of the day: March 28th, 2005

"Xander: I did not send the demon -- I was possessed! The demon used me to eavesdrop on our conversation-
Anya: Great. So now what? We can only talk in anti-demon secret code?
Xander: Good-gay idea-yay, An-ya-ay "


-Buffy


We rented 2 disks of Season 6 yesterday. The musical episode was there; it was so exciting. Season 6 is better than 5, because Buffy's all weird and depressed. They pulled her out of heaven, so it's understandable. Anyway, it's good.

Quote of the day: March 27th, 2005

"I've been poking a voodoo doll that you do not know I made
For you,
Of you,
Let's see what needles do."

-Hot Hot Heat


(I'm really not feeling bitter at all. I just decided that I love this song (Bandages) and this lyric. My amazing mood of the beginning of the week is sort of fading, for no other reason than it has no reason to last. Hannah's picking up the rest of the shirts probaby tomorrow, so I don't have to worry about finishing them. That's a relief. I really was getting sick of it. You know it's been too much when you're able to watch the whole Season 5 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in 3 days.)

Presidential Scholarship

"Dear Kira:
...I am very happy to be able to confirm that yuou have been selected as a recipient of a President's Scholarship for the coming year...(total value $34,000)..."

That's almost how much one year costs. Like, 1/4 of my college tuition goes down because of that. And it isn't including financial aid, which I don't know about yet.

Quote of the day: March 26th, 2005

"I miss your warm skin, beside me at night,
I miss your flesh, in the dawn light..."

-Ash

Quote of the day: March 25th, 2005

"This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper."

-T.S. Eliot

Quote of the day: March 23rd, 2005

"Oh yeah, all right, I feel like a hundred million dollars tonight…"


-Sugar Ray




I've been feeling pretty good lately. The emo in me has been keeping it down, probably because I've been staying busy with people around me to bring me up. There's been very little time to think about almost anything, and nothing really bad has popped up.

I'm just good.

Quote of the day: March 22nd, 2005

Tony: Tough? Doc, I’m in love!
Doc: How do you know?
Tony: Because… there isn’t any other way I could feel.
Doc: And you’re not frightened?
Tony: Should I be?


-West Side Story

Quote of the day: March 21th, 2005

"Friendship is constant in all other things
Save in the office and affairs of love."

-Much Ado About Nothing



My new second favorite Shakespeare play, after Twelfth Night.

Quote of the day: March 20th, 2005

"Closer than it’s ever been with anyone,
Living for the moment there’s a flash and then it’s gone.
Is it killing you like it’s killing me tonight?
Just remember what it’s like,
Remember...
And you had to go
So far away, far away, away
But you’ll never be alone..."

-Afterglow, by Closure



Just so glad we're finally back here again, not where we've been neurotically floating for the past 6 months. I feel SO good right now.

Quote of the day: March 19th, 2005

Now, there's a man and a woman. He's a cook. She's a waitress. Now, they meet and they don't connect. Only, she noticed him. He could feel it. And he noticed her. And they both knew it was going to happen. They made love, and for maybe one whole night, they forgot the 10 million things that make people think, I don't love this person, I don't like this person, I don't know this- Instead, it was perfect, and they were perfect. And that's all there was to know about. Only now, she's beginning to forget all that, and pretty soon he's going to forget it too.

-Frankie and Johnny


I've had the chance to think about this a lot recently, about remembering how it felt to forget, and what that means for me. I feel pretty good about how I feel about it, pretty good to have finally put it all into words that I believe enough to have some faith in, and by putting it into words, putting some faith into my perception of me and also other people.

Quote of the day: March 18th, 2005

"Why are entire years strewn on the cutting-room floor of memory, when single frames of one magic night forever flicker in close-up on the 3D IMAX of my mind?"

-RENT

(Those pesky memories)

Quote of the day: March 17th, 2005

"I'm the hitchhiker you'll recognize passing on your way to some everlasting..."

-Elliott Smith

Quote of the day: March 16th, 2005

"If you don't expect too much from me,
You might not be let down."

-The Gin Blossoms

Quote of the day: March 15th, 2005

"In, out, let's get crackin'"

-WSS

Quote of the day: March 14th, 2005

"I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long."


-Pablo Neruda

Quote of the day: March 13th, 2005

"Kiss me, it's beginning to snow!"

-RENT


I love it when the world I wake up to looks completely different than the world I fell asleep in.

Quote of the day: March 12th, 2005

"With steam, heat, and rhythm in the back seat of the car,
And adolescent perspective projecting life's forecast to the stars,
You heard love from the lips and you were rapt by the hips,
And the promise was eternal but you couldn't see that far..."

-Bad Religion- Drunk Sincerity

Quote of the day: March 11th, 2005

Susie: You guys, I'm really going to miss this place.
Coop: Me too.
Ben: Hey, let's all promise that in ten years from today, we'll meet again, and we'll see what kind of people we've blossomed into.
Susie: Yeah!
Ben: What time do you wanna meet?
J.J.: You mean ten years from now?
Coop: Let's meet in the morning so we can make a day of it.
Susie: Okay, so what is it? Is it like 9:00? 9:30?
Coop: Well, let's say 9:00, that way we can be here by 9:30.
McKinley: Well, no, why don't we say 9:30, and then make it your beeswax to be here by 9:30? I mean, we'll all be in our late 20s by then. I just don't see any reason why we can't be places on time.
Gary: Okay, then, it's settled. 9:30 it is. All agreed?
Together: Agreed.
McKinley: Good, because I have something at 11:00.



-Wet Hot American Summer


Rent it.

Quote of the day: March 10th, 2005

"And you thought that I was joking when I said you were a moron,

When I said it I was smiling so you'd think that I was joking."

-The Futureheads

College

So I'm thinking about college, thinking about where I'll end up, worrying. Not only is the whole application process the most drawn-out stressor I've ever dealt with, but in the end, what's it all for? I'm so afraid that I'll go, and it'll be the same as high school. The same kids, the same failures and insecurities. I'm going all the way across the country to get to everything I tried so hard to leave behind... I guess I am the most afraid for who I'll be. I want to get away from everything that I am in Colorado, which is why I'm going east. The east is the closest I've been to who I want to be, and the last thing I want to discover is that I can be the same awful mess there, in my magical place.

Quote of the day: March 9th, 2005

"Come back and make up a goodbye at least, let's pretend we had one..."

-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Quote of the day: March 8th, 2005

How do you say to your child in the night
Nothing's all black, but then nothing's all white?
How do you say it will all be all right
When you know that it might not be true?
What do you do?


-Into The Woods

There's just something about today and photomanipulations.

Saturation removed from face, as I do, and then solarization of the reflection in the glasses. Plus cropping Fiona's silly mouth out of there.

Just a quick little photomanipulation...

It would be cooler if the horizon lines were better. Oh well. I need to work on the hair...

Quote of the Day: March 6th, 2005

"I know not whether Laws be right,
Or whether Laws be wrong;
All that we know who lie in Gaol
Is that the wall is strong;
And that each day is like a year,
A year whose days are long."

-Oscar Wilde The Ballad of Reading Gaol

It really isn't that interesting

Don't you hate it when friends make plans in front of you and don't invite you? Oh well, I suppose I can't complain because I was busy anyways...

I decided to part my hair on the side this morning. It looks cool, different. It's not comfortable yet though. I feel like my hair is off-balance. I'm hoping I can get used to it and do it at least on occasion.

I watched Donnie Darko, the director's cut today. It's got some way cool (important) stuff that the edited one leaves out, like, a lot about Roberta Sparrow's book- passages and stuff. That helps that movie to make more sense, although there is only a certain extent to which my brain will fit around any notion of time travel.

Next week is CSAP week, which means whacko schedule, like, not starting untill 1:30 or something, while those silly underclassmen take the test. I need to get that schedule figured out, before I go in at the absolute wrong time or walk into a class that I'm not in.

Quote of the day: March 5th, 2005

Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.


-T.S. Eliot, The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock

Quote of the Day: March 4th, 2005

"I thought we'd walk these streets together,
Now I'm hoping that I'll never have to meet you..."

-Howie Day



Whenever you put yourself out for a friendship, or a love, you risk being hurt, being left behind, but sometimes you believe that the risk will be worth it, and sometimes it is, for a second or an hour or a night when you're safe from the world, but it goes as quickly as it came, leaving me to avert my eyes, or force myself to look at you just to say hello... We used to say so much more, so much deeper, so easily, but something happened. Life got in the way of ours.

Quote of the Day: March 2nd, 2005

"Perfectly crooked,
Our spooning bodies,
While daydream nation carries on,
The grass is itchy,
The sun is setting,
Oh what a cliche,
But it's nice."

-Hot IQs

"You are my only girl, but you're not my owner, girl."

Just one more Hot Hot Heat photo from last night.

Quote of the day: March 1st, 2005

"Think of August when the trees were green,
Don't think about the way things might have been..."

-Phantom of the Opera

There are so many different lyrics out there for Think of Me, I just happen to really like this one. Plus it's good advice.

Louis XIV

Hot Hot Heat

Hot Hot Heat- It's blurry, but those lights are sexy.