"I long to love you better but I swear I don't know how."
-Elton John
Off The Road to El Dorado Soundtrack. I'm a cool kid like that. Actually, that's a damn good soundtrack.
I guess I've been thinking about a lot of things lately, most of which make me feel like a giant asshole. I'm hoping my mind is just messing with itself, that, given time, I'll stop doubting myself, and just trust that I do have that capacity to feel, and that everyone else does too.
We watched Ordinary People in psychology. At first I thought I hated it, but then I really started enjoying it. He learns to feel, in that movie. He learns that it sometimes hurts, to feel, but things are better when you aren't numb. Sometimes I wish I could choose to have bipolar disorder, so I could feel all those things. I guess lately 'happy' has been defined as 'not upset' which is sort of a sad way to think of it.
Don't worry, I'm not really doing as poorly as this makes me sound. I'm actually doing fairly well, you know.
Oh, and if you read this, you should comment more often. So I know you read it, and I can leave you little personal messages.
Like to Katie:
Wow, Katie, I guess you are my life. That silly Sarah, with hers. Anyway, brown orbs are better than blue pools any day, right?
See? That was fun.
1 comment:
I know what you mean about Ordinary People. It's kind of like Garden State. The learning to feel. Seeing movies like that makes me realize how few times in my life I have felt something intense. Not very often. And you can still feel everything without being bipolar. As fun as bipolar sounds...
PS Brown orbs are better than blue pools. Blue pools are shallow, while orbs are deep and mystical. And orbs a better word. ha.
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