Take Me Out...

Baseball games are fun when you win. Also fun when you don't care about whether or not you win, and decide that whether or not you enjoy your frozen lemonade is more important.

There's an art to eating frozen lemonade. I learned it from Master Jake today.

That's tight shit.

And sexy like a Mexican.

Me thinking

I love walking to my car from school, it's the only time when I get time to actually just think. Without worrying that I should be doing something else, or being to distracted.

So I was thinking today, and I thought, "well, so what if one certain door closes for me, I mean, my life isn't based on this one external opportunity. Sure, that's the one that I want right now, but it happens that things don't always work out, and so what? Every opportunity that I miss just makes time and opportunity for another one, maybe better, maybe worse, but another one, that I'll have, and that's pretty much a no matter what thing. Untill I'm dead, I will always have the opportunity for some or other experience or feeling or really anything. So that's a good thing."

That's me thinking too much. It made me feel good, though.

It's early.

I had a dream that Laine wrote me a letter trying to convert me.

Hmmmm...

Although I wouldn't be surprised if it happened.

Dearest Lauren

Lauren and I went for delicious tea and dessert today, from the Tea House, which was fun. I recounted to her way more than I have for a long time, although I left out still most of what she wanted to hear.

Lauren, you must ask better questions, dear. Although honestly Jake (and I) make it into a bigger deal than it was. But that's the end of that discussion on here, talk to me in real life if you want to continue this, okay?

It was like, our second date and we haven't had sex yet! I'm astonished at our self-restraint. Go us.

Quote of the Day: May 30th, 2005

"And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day."

-Vitamin C- Graduation (Friends Forever)

Thanks, Owen.

Vocalicious...

...is amazing. Everyone should make it their life goal to go see them in concert.

Quote of the Day: May 29th, 2005

"Sun comes up then goes away,
So does Graduation Day.
You did your walk of fame and that was it.
She turns to me like we're alone,
Inside a secret telephone,
Says the words that no one else can hear..."

-Dropline


I just re-found this song done by The Limestones on my iTunes, and I had forgotten how much I liked it.

Quote of the Day: May 28th, 2005

"So many things in your life that your bound to regret
Why didn't I do this? Why didn't I do that?
So many chances you've lost that you'll never forget
Why didn't I take it?
Why didn't I make it come true?
The loneliest words you'll ever know, if only, if only it were so"

-Whistle Down the Wind


I've been watching too much Andy in concert.

Mr. Vacca's Article

Of crosses and light sabers

By James Vacca
May 28, 2005

For years I've endured the superficial analysis of the "Star Wars" saga as a hermeneutic leading to an understanding of Christianity. I am truly stymied and wonder if this has to do with a willful misinterpretation of biblical Christianity or if it signals a collective inability to critique our culture and its national myths.

Dick Straub dishes out a heaping plateful of exegetical mush in the May 21 Faith section of the Daily Camera as he espouses his book, "Christian Wisdom of the Jedi Masters," confidently proclaiming that the "story arc of Star Wars is full of teachable moments for budding Christians." He further gushes that "the Star Wars story line is a wonderful way of showing the parallel between Luke and what it means to be a follower of Jesus."

The Christian Gospel that I find operative in the authentic lives of people of faith is solidly focused on non-violence and peacemaking. "Star Wars" is a cinematic exploitation of what Walter Wink, professor of biblical interpretation at Auburn Theological Seminary in New York City, refers to as the "myth of redemptive violence." This mythic narrative confirms "the belief that violence 'saves,' that war brings peace, that might makes right ... violence simply appears to be the nature of things. It's what works. It seems inevitable, the last and often the first resort in conflicts."

If there is any transcendent thrust in the message of the Gospels, it seems most eloquently expressed in the ability of Jesus to edit violence from his life and ministry, finding creative, life-affirming solutions to every situation of impasse. In doing so, he admonishes both Jedi Knights and our modern day warriors, however honorable, regarding the consequences of living by the sword.

Authentic Christianity dismantles the simplistic view of reality enshrined in popular American culture and reveals in our never-ending tilt toward militarism that the world we live in is not easily divided into black and white, good and evil, saved and unsaved. We are to be about the transformation of our enemies, not their destruction. To co-opt the Gospel message is to understand that you cannot force your adversaries through continuous threats of violence to accept your worldview.

Although Staub and many other enlightened seekers see a catechetical reference in "Star Wars," I find it indentured to the myth of redemptive violence and consequently a distortion of both the persona and the message of Jesus. In "Star Wars," violence is the ultimate vehicle of transformation. The saga celebrates the use of lethal force in order to overcome a corrupt opponent. The light-saber duel has become emblematic of the "Star Wars" ethos and stands in direct opposition of Jesus's command to love our enemies.

The potent myth of the conquering hero is part of a degraded imagination, because there is no warrior class in Christianity. The historic sub-culture of the Christian soldier is a perversion, not an authentic interpretation of the Gospels. The Christian crusader is an object of our collective shame, which stands in direct opposition to the words and example of Jesus as expressed in the Sermon on the Mount.

Popularist misinterpretations of the Gospels permeate our culture, from the fear mongering of Focus on the Family to the toxic theology of the White House. Simplistic theologies of violence are reinforced by movies, which underscore such misplaced sentiments. When the myth of redemptive violence becomes national policy, I cannot innocently go about chanting, "May the Force be with you."

Now, I don't wish to parrot papal pronouncements and condemn "Star Wars" as another trite example of "vague spirituality" eroding modern religious sensibilities. Rather, I wish to affirm the moral vision of our real heroes, such as Martin Luther King Jr., who detailed for us the dangers endemic in the idea of redemptive violence in his speech "Beyond Vietnam." King asserts that social change comes most meaningfully through non-violent action. He warns against the triple threats of racism, militarism and materialism and illustrates how these "isms" perpetuate a spiral of violence, cautioning his generation and ours that "there is nothing except a tragic death wish to prevent us from reordering our priorities so that the pursuit of peace will take precedence over the pursuit of war."

We must not allow the cinematic reel to become the controlling myth that defines the American real. So enjoy "Star Wars," but recognize that "The Revenge of the Evangelists" is already playing.


James Vacca teaches "The Bible as Literature" and other English courses at Boulder High School, and holds a master's degree in divinity.







Mr. Vacca is a cool guy. Bib Lit was a way fun class.

I haven't done much, have I?

It's late, but I feel like doing this.

( ) snuck out of the house?
(x) gotten lost in your city?
(x) saw a shooting star?
(x) been to any other countries besides the united states?
( ) had a serious surgery?
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas?
( ) kissed a stranger?
(x) hugged a stranger?
() been in a fist fight?
( ) been arrested?
( ) done drugs?
(x) had alcohol
() laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose?
(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator?
( ) made out in an elevator?
( ) slept in an elevator?
(x) swore at your parents?
() kicked a guy where it hurts?
(x) been in love?
(x) been close to love?
(x) been to a casino? with my pop.
( ) been skydiving?
(x) broken a bone?
( ) been high?
( ) skinny-dipped?
(x) skipped school?
( ) flashed someone?
(x) saw a therapist?
( ) done the splits?
( ) played spin the bottle?
(x) gotten stitches?
(x) had an IV?
( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour?
(x) bitten someone?
( ) been to Niagara Falls?
(x) gotten the chicken pox?
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex?
(x) kissed a member of the same sex? (it wasn't hardcore or anything.)
( ) crashed into a friend's car?
( ) been to Japan?
(x) ridden in a taxi?
() been dumped?
(x) shoplifted?
( ) been fired?
(x) had a crush on someone of the opposite sex?
(x) had a crush on someone of the same sex?
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back?
( ) stole something from your job?
( ) gone on a blind date?
(x) lied to a friend?
( ) had a crush on a teacher?
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans?
(x) been to Europe?
( ) slept with a co-worker?
( ) been married?
( ) gotten divorced?
( ) had children?
( ) saw someone die?
( ) been to Africa?
(x) Driven over 400 miles in one day?
() Been to Canada?
() Been to Mexico?
(x) Been on a plane?
( ) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show?
( ) Thrown up in a bar?
( ) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire?
(x) Eaten Sushi?
(x) Been snowboarding?
(x) Met someone in person from the internet? but i knew they went to my school, i just had no idea who they were.
(x) Been moshing at a rock show?
( ) Cut yourself on purpose?
( ) Been to a moto cross show?
( ) lost a child?
( ) gone to college?
( ) graduated college
( ) done hard drugs?
( ) tried killing yourself?
(x) taken painkillers?
(x) love someone or miss someone right now?

That really wasn't that fun. I don't know why I was so enthusiastic about doing it.

Quote of the Day: May 27th, 2005

It's kinda funny when a large percent of the senior class is hungover and carrying pillows around all day.

Haha.


And quote:

"Lived the same life with the rest, the same old laughing, gnawing, sleeping,
Play'd the part that still looks back on the actor or actress,
The same old role, the role that is what we make it, as great as we like,
Or as small as we like, or both great and small."

-Walt Whitman (Crossing Brooklyn Ferry?)

Quote of the Day: May 26th, 2005

"What was it about that night?
Connection in an isolating age,
For once the shadows gave way to light,
For once I didn't disengage."

-RENT

Eh.

I cried two times today. It didn't feel good. It smells like rain outside, it made me nostalgic, Eponine,

"and now i'm all alone again, nowhere to turn no one to go to,
without a home without a friend, without a face to say hello to,
but now the night is near; now i can make believe he's here...

...in the rain, the pavement shines like silver,
all the lights are misty in the river,
in the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
and all i see is him and me forever and forever...."

i was listening to the postal service, and i was suddenly in fall, in the car, in the bushes at john's house with ben and jake and all the others that i couldn't see or didn't notice, i was on the swings, looking at the stars, i was in the front seat of my car, outside ben's house, talking, listening, i was outside of the car, looking at him, close.

i feel so isolated right now, i think that's why things are getting to me. i'm almost out, about to be leaving everything behind, no longer really a part of anything around here. i'll leave, things will go on, i may be missed, but i will soon just fade out, the new ones will fade in, and things will be as they always were. i don't fully fit into the new life, yet either. i don't know the first thing about college, and i'm not even thinking about it yet, honestly. i have never worked on a regular basis before, i'm not going to be doing something i'm particularly good at. i don't know how things stand for me visiting new york, there are so many logistics to that, and i hate to put the burden of myself on people. i don't know what to expect, how i'll take seeing everyone, as an outsider, one who is no longer one of us. this summer i am going to not be one of anyone. not in college, not in high school, not even in shakespeare.

i'm terrified for a lot more about the summer too, but those thoughts still need to sift out in my brain a little more, so that i am sure i'm saying what i mean when i finally do say them. otherwise everything will be coming out all wrong, i know it.

i suppose i just need reassurance. it's an internal thing, so no matter what anyone tells me, it won't help. so don't bother. i'll figure it out by myself. i don't know, there's a fine line between taking initiative and nagging. no doubt i cross that line.

again, please don't take me too seriously. this is a temporary mood, it always is, and i know i'll feel better soon.

No way.

I feel like writing some poetry. Bad news. I must be in a pretty bad mood.

Sometimes I wonder...

I love how one minute I can be totally good, happy, confident, and the next, I'm scared to death that no one is ever sincere with me. I know that this is a me problem, not a them problem, but right now I'm feeling like I've played a wonderful joke on anyone who's ever liked me. Haha, I sure tricked them...

Then I wonder if anyone really has liked me... Maybe they tricked me?

...Definitely a me problem. My head is paranoid sometimes. And, as Albert Ellis would tell me, it is not necessary for people to like me to be happy.

Quote of the Day: May 23th, 2005

I like posting mundane things in this journal.

"Don't think that isn't the first thing I noticed when we got on the bus."

-Myself, referring to the tightness of Dylan's pants. Tight in the emo way. Oh man, he was way emo.

this is a link to his myspace, there are pictures on there. so you will know the emo.

That Spoon

...So I didn't end up taking that spoon out of my purse today, and we ended up buying dinner to eat in the car before the movie, because we were running late, and they forgot to give my brother silverware, but we were all set, because I had that spoon. It was pretty awesome.

We saw Star Wars, oh man, Yoda is such a badass.

My favorite was the one with 4 arms.

Anakin is a stud. An emo stud, too.

Hmmmm..

I found a spoon in my purse. I don't quite remember how it got there. I know I put it there, though.

Also I found several condom eggs in my backpack. I know how those got there. I wonder if they're still good.

Quote of the Day: May 22nd, 2005

"I'm just like a balloon: if someone doesn't hold my string, I'll float away..."

-Party Monster

Saw the balloons this morning. They were wonderful. Maybe photos later.

Oh yeah.

There's something empowering about taking photos of oneself.

Which one do you think is the best? I'm torn.

Quote of the Day: May 19th, 2005

"Turn your face away from the garish light of day."

-Phantom of the Opera

Or this one?

This one...

Slightly Disappointed-

Nothing's worse than a good book with a bad ending.

I just finished Bel Canto, and while I did enjoy it, you should be warned about the ending. Not even the ending, really, I can understand that, but the epilogue. Those have to be crafted so carefully, so that they fit with the story, and pick up somewhere where you could expect. It's just to wrap a few things up, the icing on the cake, you might say. You can't just change your story, and your romantic interests in the epilogue.

Oh well. Read it, and you'll know what I mean.

How do you respond to comments on this thing? I guess in a new post.

Oh man, Katie, I didn't really like Garden State. Although the learning to feel aspect of it was alright. Like when they scream in the rain off the cliff.

Something about the stagnancy of their lives really got me down. They all still live at home and are working as gravediggers, except for the failing actor who played a retarded guy. It depressed me in the not good kind of way. It was about way more ordinary people than Ordinary People was about, so I could see myself as them too easily for comfort, I suppose. I also just don't like Natalie Portman. Oh well.

Hey, I totally had this discussion with Travis today. We have weird arguements. All the time. He says maps don't exist, that fool.

Quote of the Day: May 18th, 2005

"I long to love you better but I swear I don't know how."

-Elton John

Off The Road to El Dorado Soundtrack. I'm a cool kid like that. Actually, that's a damn good soundtrack.

I guess I've been thinking about a lot of things lately, most of which make me feel like a giant asshole. I'm hoping my mind is just messing with itself, that, given time, I'll stop doubting myself, and just trust that I do have that capacity to feel, and that everyone else does too.

We watched Ordinary People in psychology. At first I thought I hated it, but then I really started enjoying it. He learns to feel, in that movie. He learns that it sometimes hurts, to feel, but things are better when you aren't numb. Sometimes I wish I could choose to have bipolar disorder, so I could feel all those things. I guess lately 'happy' has been defined as 'not upset' which is sort of a sad way to think of it.

Don't worry, I'm not really doing as poorly as this makes me sound. I'm actually doing fairly well, you know.


Oh, and if you read this, you should comment more often. So I know you read it, and I can leave you little personal messages.

Like to Katie:

Wow, Katie, I guess you are my life. That silly Sarah, with hers. Anyway, brown orbs are better than blue pools any day, right?

See? That was fun.

Quote of the Day: May 16th, 2005

"Progress report: I am missing you to death"

-Fall Out Boy

*sigh*

People I won't ever meet-

It's those kinds of moments that usually only exist in movies, that exist so often in movies that you start to doubt that they actually happen in real life. It's that boy, with soft hair, who you notice even before he notices you, you watch him smiling for a second, then he looks up, pushes that hair out of his eyes, and smiles, shy, cute, perfect, and suddenly the waffle iron that makes Mickey Mouse waffles isn't the coolest thing ever anymore, because that smile is cooler.

The Red Balloon

Yesterday we were sitting in the grass in front of the courthouse, eating ice cream, and there was this little girl, with a red balloon, running around all over the place. She came up and said hi to us, and she was pretty cool... So eventually we stop noticing her, and after about 10 minutes, Sam says, "Oh, sad! I think the little girl died!" So we look up and there's the red balloon, just floating away...

Quote of the Day: May 15th, 2005

"Enrique, your eyes are like brown orbs of sex."

-Katie

"Just wanted to be missed..."

I guess that everyone's back for the summer. I saw Brian walking down Broadway, and some of Molly's old friends. I guess that next year, I'll be doing that. Coming back, walking down Broadway.

Quote of the Day: May 14th, 2005

Some girls take hours to paint every perfect nail,

Fragrant as flowers, all powdered and prim and pale...

But you are as wild as that wind-blown tree,

As dark and as deep as the midnight sea,

While they're busy dressing, you lie here, warm and bold,

Some girls you picture, some you hold...

Some girls take courses at all the best schools in France,

Riding their horses and learning their modern dance,

They're clever and cultured and worldly-wise,

But you see the world through a child's wide eyes,

While their dreams are grand ones, you want what's just in reach,

Some girls you learn from, some you teach...

You are not smalltalk or shiny cars,

Or mirrors, or french cologne,

You are the river, the moon, the stars,

You're no one else I've known...

Some girls take pleasure in buying a fine trousseau,

Counting each treasure and tying each tiny bow,

They fold up their futures with perfumed hands,

While you face the future with no demands,

Some girls expect things, others think nothing of,

Some girls you marry, some you love...

-Once on This Island

Quote of the Day: May 13th, 2005

"Go to hell" is all I thought for seven weeks,
But I grew out of that phase looking at these broken photographs of people
Looking glossed, just like a summer ago.

-Fall Out Boy

And so it goes...

I guess everyone's looking for that connection, but everyone's too busy looking to really find it.

Quote of the Day: May 12th, 2005

"And as I stand here screaming in despair
I said, yes, this is my life, and yes, you should care."

-Tegan and Sara

(I suppose it's rare that they ever really do.)

Quote of the Day: May 10th, 2005

"There are places I’ll remember all my life

Though some have changed,

Some forever, not for better

Some have gone and some remain...

...Though I know I’ll never lose affection

For people and things that went before,

I know I’ll often stop and think about them,

In my life, I’ll love you more..."

-The Beatles

(This counts for yesterday, too. I was thinking it, I was just too busy with trying to go to sleep that I didn't get around to it.)

Quote of the Day: May 8th, 2005

"If you can't make your mind up,

We'll never get started.

And I don't wanna wind up

Being parted, broken-hearted.

So if you really love me,

Say yes.

But if you don't, dear, confess.

And please don't tell me

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps."

-Cake

(sometimes, bitch.)

Quote of the Day: May 7th, 2005

"You know,

You got a willing slave

And you just love to play the thought

That you might misbehave.

Till you do,I'm telling you,

Stop visiting my grave .

Let me rest in peace ."

-Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Quote of the Day: May 6th, 2005

"Could you describe the ruckus, sir?"

-The Breakfast Club

...Which Fairview is doing tonight. WTF?

Quote of the Day: May 5th, 2005

"It was the hardest thing, watching you slip away."

-Ash


(I can't keep trying, keep grabbing at nothing, or mist, or an illusion, or trueness, or whatever the hell this is. I need to stop, for a few days, see how I feel then.)

Quote of the Day: May 4th, 2005

"And now I’m all alone again,

Nowhere to turn, no one to go to...

Without a home, without a friend,

Without a face to say hello to,

And now the night is near,

Now I can make believe he’s here."

-Les Miserables

(Kind of starting to get sick of thinking.)

Quote of the Day: May 3rd, 2005

"Alone and bored on a 30th century night,
Will I see you on The Price is Right?
Will I cry, will I smile
As you run down the aisle?"

-Barenaked Ladies

(This song has been stuck in my head since Sociology, when I watched about 30 seconds of The Price is Right.)

Not being in the theatre makes me emo. In the worst way.

Quote of the Day: May 2nd, 2005

"Kill me while I still believe that you were meant for me."

-Yellowcard

(It's so yes, no, yes, I don't know what to think anymore, is this temporary, just a phase, someone else, you're the only one... it's hard, I think, but better than nothing at all.)

Quote of the Day: May 1st, 2005

"Is that a cowlick or are you just happy to see me?"
-The Little Rascals

Michael had his hair done up like Alfalfa, yesterday, for Gladhand, and I somehow remembered that line, and used it. I've never had an opportunity to use it before. What a line.