NYC

More photos from the trip to come, I promise. These are just what I have on my mom's camera, the only one I can get to the computer until I get home.


Saw Company starring Raul Esparza on Broadway--from the front row, it was amazing. He really has an amazing voice. So fabulous.

Happy Holidays!

Nobody seems to think it can actually hurt when they constantly tease me.

And the condescension doesn't feel so good either.



And I'm tired of people blowing it off when I have some sort of problem.

"whatever"

is not going to solve any problems.

Missing

There are two kinds of missing people, I think.

There's the kind of missing when you go on vacation, when you move, when you never see someone anymore.

There's also the kind of missing where you see someone every day, and something has changed and you just don't talk anymore, and you don't agknowledge that you even used to talk.

That kind is worse.

The Master of Alone/ I Love Love

I'm sorry, I'm in love-mode these days, please bear with me. I promise/hope that I will get over it soon and stop caring so much that my life isn't like a movie.

The movie= The Holiday. Really quite a cute movie, if you're into that sort of thing.

Turns out I am. When I watch chick flicks I just feel it in my gut--the wrenching alone feeling. Or if, at the time, I am not single, the butterflies. I guess I like that feeling--both of them, even the one that hurts.

There's a line in the movie where the old Hollywood screenwriter tells Kate Winslet's character that she is playing the role of "the friend" when she should have been cast as the leading lady. She responds along the lines of, "shouldn't I at least be leading lady of my own life?"

Ah yes. It hits home. Sitting with friends while they complain about dysfunctional relationships and not having a bit of advice to offer them but thinking the whole time about how perfect it could be if they just looked up and realized that something good was right in front of them. It's frustrating.

In one scene, Kate Winslet's character and Jack Black's character are out to lunch. He gets a call from an ex (a "bad girl"), and leaves Kate Winslet (perfect for him) to finish her lunch alone. She supports him the entire time, even when he is letting her down.

Definitely close to home.



And to make matters worse, the entire time I was in the theatre I was thinking about someone who I probably should not be thinking of in the context of a romantic comedy. Yet still I think of him and wish I was watching it with him (he'd probably hate it anyway). I wished he was sitting next to me, our hands almost touching, and I knew exactly the moments when we'd simultaneously reach out our pinkies just slightly, and our fingers would brush, and intertwine, and it would be good.

I have a vivid imagination, apparantly.

Alas, here I am alone, and kicking myself for even wanting the things I am wanting, which is ridiculous and also a fabulous way to remain alone.

Trust me on this one.

I Hate Sexual Tension.

Here's my question:

Would someone joke about something if it revolted them? Don't jokes usually contain a hint of truth? The context I am thinking of is the high school "oh, I want to bang you, oh oh!"

I mean, you never say that unless you actually sort of do, right? Because if you're truly revolted by the person, then it's not even funny, just gross.

Am I right?

I know I always meant it, at least a little, when I said it.


Which brings me to the issue--if two people are joking like that with each other, don't you think they should just jump on each other and end the sexual tension? That's what I think.

Jay Brannan

Check Him Out


I discovered this on the bus coming back from Thespian Conference.

2 days of sleep deprivation, sitting backwards in the seat, sharing white earbud headphones with David who was sitting next to me facing me, and I'm watching the people on the bus sleep, or talk, as the light slowly fades and things get dark.


It was perfect.