Canon

I like how this sounds.

Mmmmmm

I miss hummus wraps and corn soup from Grab and Go at IC.

College, Take Two:

I wish I could say I'm perfectly happy at CU.

I guess on the bright side, I'm happy enough.


As much as it sucked, living on campus was pretty cool.

Fuck.

There are just some things in life that make me miserable, and each and every one seems to be making an appearance in my life tonight.

What?

Yeah, it sucks.
Already did the crying thing, the feel-like-punching-someone-in-the-face thing, and I'm thinking I should do the sleep thing before I cry again.

Even though it's still pretty early.

:)

I like touchy people. I like people who will press their entire body against mine when we hug, and hold it there longer than necessary. I like it when I'm leaning against a table or something, and someone comes and straddles me and gives me a hug. I like people who just walk up to me and put their arm around me.

I like Sam and Cooper.

sigh.

I collapsed onto a floor twice today, once because I was laughing so hard and the other because I felt like crying.

Ah, what a day.

PS my linguistics textbook fucking ROCKS.

and i'm already scared for half my classes.

have you ever had the kind of crush on someone where you just can't control how you act around them?

i get downright giddy, it's not pretty.

Remembering

It sometimes bothers me how quickly I let myself forget parts of last year. I remember my classes, and I remember the papers I wrote, and the plays I saw, and the meals I ate, but I am forgetting to think about the people who I knew. The ones who made me happy, and the ones who drove me crazy, the ones who I loved to death, and really I loved them all. I don't feel like it should be so easy to put behind me. I never really ever succeeded at getting Delhi behind me, but Ithaca is already gone. I was there 9 months, I've been back for 4 almost.

I don't know if it's better to forget or to remember. I feel guilty ignoring people who haven't forgotten me, but I can't bring myself to feel bad that I won't be going back, even though for the most part, it was a really good experience.

I guess if you're reading this, I love you, and I always did, and thanks for thinking of me.

It's hard for me to care about the people who care about me but everyone else, it's hard for me not to care.

Yippee!

I am so excited about my job.

Like, no words.

I get an office, and maybe even benefits.

And it's quite possible that I will be in charge of changing the marquee. (sp?)
And renting out the auditorium.

Tomorrow I'm going in to poke around my new office and all my new paperwork.
And friday I meet with Bud and it all becomes official.

Happy national left handed person day.

:)

I had a dream about characters from CSI yesterday. How lame is that.

Here are a few photo from my hike today:

Love.

I was watching "My Architect" the other day.

It's a documentary about the architect Louis Kahn, made by his illegitimate son, who is trying to figure out who his father was based on his buildings and talking to people who worked with him and knew him.

In one scene, he was interviewing his mother, who knew that Kahn was married to someone else, but loved him anyway. He would only come up to her house for a few days at a time, and she knew pretty well that he'd never marry her (even though she always hoped.) At one point, Nathaniel, her son, asked, "do you think about him often?" and she responded, "I don't have to. He's always there." Not in the spiritual sense, but in the sense that so much of her was influenced by her relationship with, and really deep love for, this man. I think she was glad to have had his child, even though it made her an object for scorn, because it was his, and she loved him.

Maybe that's just me putting my personal experience onto something completely unrelated, but I'm glad this kind of love exists, I'm glad I've felt it. I'm glad there's someone that I loved so much that it became a part of my life forever, that I don't need to think about because it's just there, just a part of me.

Home Life

While I was at college, one of my parent's friends broke up with the boyfriend she was living with and moved in with us. It was quite difficult to move back in, with a new person living in the house, even though I've known her my whole life. She lives in the biggest room in the house, the master bedroom, which is also where we store a lot of our games and stuff, so I have to go into her room to get anything I need.

It is my nature to get defensive and hostile when I am under attack. My brother and I were joking around, and I guess I upset him (he's allowed to say whatever he wants to me but if I make fun of him he goes into his room, slams the door, and won't talk for hours- they call it bipolar, but he only does it when my mom is around to get me into trouble for it.) Anyway, since I'm "normal" I'm supposed to take it with a grin and move on, but sometimes it hurts. Anyway, my mom was yelling at me, of course not my brother, and I was getting defensive, and the woman who lives with us walks in, not knowing what happened, and says, "Kira, look at how you're making your mother feel," completely ignoring the possibility that I was feeling bad also, like she thinks I like to hurt other people for fun.

According to my mother, she also complains, saying that she doesn't have enough space (her room is the biggest in the house!!) and she often tells me to turn down the TV, even when it's so quiet that I can hardly hear it, and she could make the sound go away by just shutting her door.

She's also got a dog. It's pretty old, and sort of blind, and sort of deaf, and she needs help standing up if she's lying down on the slippery hardwood floor. she poops in the yard, and no one cleans it up, so the whole lawn stinks. She also eats raw chicken every day, which just gets left sitting in the kitchen, so we've got a bit of a fly problem. The dog doesn't really do much except eat and sleep and poop.

Today the woman called my dad and told him she made an appointment on Saturday to get the dog put down. True, the dog is old and useless and not going to live soon, but isn't it coincidental that she plans it only 2 or 3 days after I asked if the chicken could maybe be kept outside so that there aren't as many flies? In a way, I feel like she's being very passive aggressive, and I'll feel guilty if the dog dies on Saturday, like it was my complaining that drove her to it.

She's not even looking for a place to live, and she won't until my parents kick her out, which they won't, even though I can tell she sometimes frustrates them.

I wish I was moving out sooner, but chances are, I'll be gone before she is anyway.

I was going through my old photos...

The Pain That We Are...

There's this really fab game I play driving, where whenever I drive past a certain street, I listen to the word that's playing on my cd player, and string them all together to see if it makes sense...
So far it sort of does...

"...pain that we are..."


I like to hope it will reveal something fantastic or insightful or even coincidental about the relationship I have with the person who lives on said street.

Have you ever had a platonic crush on someone?

Is that even possible?


Bah.