"I want adventure in the great wide somewhere..."

So I spent last week in Ithaca, visiting. As it turns out, I miss it a lot more than I thought I did. The week was perfect, I felt so at home, everything was fun. At times I regret transferring.

But then I really think about it--those nights that I would go to the woods and just sit and cry for an hour, those times that I would get lunch and go back to my dorm and just sob on the floor, silently, so no one could hear me through the door. I remember going to the lounge with the hopes that someone would see me and realize that I was miserable and help me, I remember that no one ever came.

Things here are not like that. I usually get mild SAD (seasonal affective disorder) in the winter, but this year was the best it's ever been. Nothing really drives me to the point of hysterical tears anymore--I can't even remember the last time I cried in Colorado. (I cried a bit at the Ithaca airport when I was leaving)

Nothing out here is really all that bad, but nothing's really that good. I guess I don't have too many friends, there are a few people who I see on occasion and when I see them we have fun together, but rarely the exciting adventures that I had in Ithaca. I think people just forget me when planning their adventures, or they don't live down the hall so it's too much of a hassel to find me. That's what I miss about the dorms, the convenience of friends, there's always someone to do something with, even if it's just, "hey, wanna walk up to towers with me to grab a pint of ben and jerrys?" Can't do that with my roommates now. We hardly ever talk to each other. I don't know what it is. They all have their own things, and we never do anything together.




I just need to work on getting excitement back into my life.