Haven't laughed this hard in a long time,
I better stop now before I start crying.
Go off to sleep in the sunshine,
I don't want to see the day when it's dying...
-Elliott Smith
(Quite possibly one of the best songs in the world ever.)
Today I was joking with Lauren, just joking around, and it felt really good and really bad at the same time. It was a very unusual sensation, to not feel good about having fun, but having fun in spite of it.
Something of who I am lately is forced. I don't think I'm forcing, I just think that it might be my nature to be forced, to seem like there's just that little something that's just a little bit off.
Maybe it's just a bit of my insecurities, manifesting themselves in the weirdest ways.
The point today when I felt most natural was during seventh period, when I was having a brief conversation with Ian about spring break. It's weird that this of all things should make me feel most natural, since it was probably the most un-commonplace event of my whole day.
Some things I just don't understand.
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